Is this story too offensive?

[1badboy 581]

I wrote a story on PIRR but I am hesitating publishing it.

Here is the beginning.  Could you guys give me your opinion on it and whether it is too offensive.  It is definitely an Asian fetish type of story.

 

OBSESSION

Don't worry Suki." Patricia led her into the opulent mansion. "The birthday boy' turns eighteen today, and the other boys' are all eighteen, or older." Suki took a deep breath. "How many will there be?" Patricia shrugged, "Ten, maybe twelve? Maybe a couple older, and a few men.”

"Okay.." Suki stopped in front of a puddle of liquid on the tile floor. "Somebody spilled something." Patricia snickered, "Probably just pee. People are always peeing places they shouldn't." Suki rolled her eyes. "Men..". Patricia grinned devilishly. 

Patricia led Suki up some stairs to a large bedroom with a funky round bed. There was a man in the room sitting at a small desk. "Mark!" Patricia called out happily as she entered. The man stood, smiling. He wore khaki pants, a beige button-up shirt, and no shoes. His sandy blond hair was cut short and it was obvious he'd worked out because he had muscles that were barely contained under. He gazed warmly at Suki. "Hello Mark." Suki said softly. "Hello." He smiled approvingly "You must be Suki." He grabbed Suki aggressively and hugged her tightly. He rubbed her rear. "You are cute!" Suki felt his cock swell against her as he pulled her in for a feverish kiss on the lips. Mark grinned broadly, "You're gonna blow the minds of Billy, and his friends!”

"Feeling horny?" Mark ran his hands over Suki's curvy hips. "Yeah. " Suki managed. "On the pill?" Mark cupped Suki's little breast and teased her erect nipple through her clothes, with his thumb. "Yeah.." Suki lied under her breath. "Perfect." Mark set his hand on Suki's mound. "Did you shave?" "No.." Suki blushed. "Good." Mark unzipped her jeans. "Billy's favorite av star Mana doesn't shave." He leaned down, and kissed her on the lips. He slid his hand inside her jeans. "I'd give you a test ride..." He softly rubbed her swollen clit through her damp silky panties, "..if it wasn't Billy's birthday. But Billy, and his friends, get you first.”

Mark released his hold on Suki, and pulled back. He smiled at her lustily. "Mmmkay?" He walked over to the window and unzipped his slacks as he looked outstde. "The 'boys' should be arriving soon." He pulled his long thick erect cock out aimed it at an artificial ficus to the side of the window. "Suki.." A powerful stream of pee arched from his cock into the base of the artificial plant. "There are French maids uniforms in the closet for you and Patricia. You can pretend to be a server, then I will introduce you." He peed a little on the tile floor as his stream weakened. "I'll leave you two, to get dressed." He shook his cock off, tucked it back in his slacks, and strode out of the room.

Suki watched as Patricia hurried into the bathroom next to the closet door. She came out with toilet paper and hurried over to the window to clean the floor. Suki took a breath and walked over to the walk-in closet and lookied in with her heart pounding. Well this was more exciting then masturbating alone in her apartment.. Her office job was, quite frankly, boring. She was bored by working so hard at being 'sensible'.... and boring...  

 

 

[Paulypeeps 5,287]

No, it is showing promise.

[1badboy 581]

Maybe I will post it here, in the story section, first.  

[Bill Thane 365]

Use of derogatory language towards a race may get the story removed but if it doesn't get into raceplay too much it should be fine. 

[jim fisher 23]

will the birthday boy and his friends have all been drinking a lot of water and are busting for a piss and good at holding and holding a lot?? it could be a tradation where the birthday boy has to have sex with his bladder really full. maybe he and his friend's are not allowed to pee until the end?