Life With a Partner Who Does Not Share the Kink

[Kirby23 955]

Like the title says, this post is about the general ups and downs of life with a partner (in my case wife) who does not share the kink.

We've been together a long time (15+ years), and have a strong marriage, decent sex life, and very solid foundation.

I love my wife very much, but often lament the fact that she does not share my kink in the least. Although we have sex fairly regularly (about once a week), the sex is generally very "vanilla". I enjoy it in the moment, but often wish there was something more.

She knows about my kink, and allows certain indulgences from time to time. She allows me to pee inside her during PIV, which I do occasionally. Although she tolerates it, she doesn't particularly enjoy it, so I don't do it very often. Once in a while she'll allow me to lick her after she has peed. And once in a great while she'll allow me to watch her pee in the shower. 

And although she occasionally allows these things, she definitely doesn't understand the kink. She has kink-shamed me in the past, saying I'm "disgusting," "sick," and even "need professional help." She doesn't really say these things (out loud) anymore, but I suspect she still feels this way. 

The feeling of peeing inside her during sex is like a drug. I almost get high thinking about it, and I crave it like an addict jonesing for their next hit. But as soon as the act is over, I feel guilty about it, like I've done something wrong.

She holds a kleenex or towel to her crotch, and waddles to the toilet, and I just feel ashamed of myself. 

But then a week or two later, I start craving the feeling again.

Who else is in a similar situation? How do you cope with the incompatibilty? What compromises do you or your partner make?

I'd really be interested in hearing others' experiences.

[Starks2010 2,197]

I feel for you brother, but her and I wouldn’t have made it that far. There’s nothing like being truly happy. I’m learning that in my adult life, being not as truly happy as I can be. 
 

When you’re not truly happy or satisfied, it leaves you vulnerable to seek what makes you happy elsewhere. Your wife needs to realize that too. I think being someones partner, and you love them, you want to make them happy no matter what. Even if it means doing things you may not enjoy. The important thing is seeing them happy. Everyone doesn’t think like me, nor do they have to. 
 

Pretty much all of my past girlfriends have had piss in public places experiences. I bring that up early on in relationships. I remember my last girlfriend, I brought up my fetish early on. She had a public piss encounter. She had thought about my fetish overnight and I almost didn’t get a call back she said. But she was being open minded, indulged in it, and rather enjoyed it. It became a convenience to her. We’d be out, she wasn’t ashamed to drop her panties and relieve herself. She had no problem telling me to find a place for her to piss. Especially knowing all it was doing was turning me on. 
 

Watching movies in my family room, she’s squatted and did what she had to do on the carpet beside the couch. She had a go to spot in my living room. Wake up in the morning, had to piss, I’m there, no need to get up. As long as I have a mouth, she has a bathroom. I’ve taken some strong, dark morning pisses too! Bitter like wine. 

Maybe have a conversation with your wife about how important it is to you and how important she is and if she opened her mind up and thought about the perks of it. Make her feel real sexy. Ask her something that she may want to do to you, anything. 
 

I wish you luck. Keep us posted. 

[Kirby23 955]

3 hours ago, Starks2010 said:

...Maybe have a conversation with your wife about how important it is to you and how important she is and if she opened her mind up and thought about the perks of it. Make her feel real sexy. Ask her something that she may want to do to you, anything. 

Thank you for the kind words and advice. Believe me, I've tried. Unfortunately, she's just not a particularly sexual person, and doesn't have any sexual interests or fantasies. There's no potential for a "quid pro quo". Just doing it once a week (for my enjoyment, not hers) is all she can muster. She has said on numerous occasions that she could go the rest of her life eithout having sex, and she would be fine with it. 

[gldenwetgoose 21,497]

There are a lot of people @Kirby23 who can very much relate to everything you've said - I can personally assure you that you're very much not alone.

When seeing all the amazing content, it's easy to think that everyone has an amazing piss filled sex life, or absolute freedom to have whatever fun befalls them.   But the reality is every one of us are unique, special and gifted in the different situations we find ourselves in.    Personally I think that being with someone who doesn't share our passion actually helps keep us on a level basis.  Perhaps sometimes it's easy to be jealous of others who seem to enjoy so freely?   But ultimately I think deep down every one of us knows life isn't perfect.   Finding a soul mate is a wonderful thing.   Would we ever find another?  Would they be any more open to our wet fun?

I don't have any magic answers - the love for your partner shows through in what you've written, and there's clearly a special bond.   Definitely though don't let yourself feel guilt or shame about your particular interests, or the fact that you enjoy spending time here in this outlet.  Life isn't perfect - the best thing we can do is try to make sure we keep those closest to us happy.   If this place bridges a gap then so be it.

[Starks2010 2,197]

13 hours ago, Kirby23 said:

Thank you for the kind words and advice. Believe me, I've tried. Unfortunately, she's just not a particularly sexual person, and doesn't have any sexual interests or fantasies. There's no potential for a "quid pro quo". Just doing it once a week (for my enjoyment, not hers) is all she can muster. She has said on numerous occasions that she could go the rest of her life eithout having sex, and she would be fine with it. 

No problem. Hey, there’s always this website and internet content. 

[W1ll_B 103]

On 12/20/2023 at 9:06 PM, Kirby23 said:

I'd really be interested in hearing others' experiences.

 

I feel like I've seen a similar message before, maybe from you, and I think I've responded to it or something similar, so apologies if there is repetition and I end up writing the same things.

My situation is pretty much the same, although in some ways it's different.
My wife and I have been together for a long time, and I've mentioned to her my interest, but she doesn't seem to have any particular interest in "these things."
She has said that "it's ok," but otherwise, we haven't talked much about it. She is quite neutral about it and might casually mention something related to peeing in an everyday tone without any particular meaning. (A couple of times she has done something that could slightly be interpreted as doing it for me, but on the other hand, it could be about something else.)

She hasn't otherwise kink-shamed me, but once she said something that felt bad and came as a real surprise because she hadn't said anything like that before nor after.

The good part for me is that my main interest is in desperation (of others, not my own) and hearing or seeing peeing. I don't necessarily feel a great need for any actual "doing," so I already get a lot of "joy" (if I can say so, sorry) if I see her desperate or hear her pee.

Additionally, I am very interested when I hear someone use an unusual expression for needing to pee, and the most original phrases have come from my wife

Of course, there would be many things that would be nice to experience that I can't with her, but mostly I would say that I am reasonably satisfied with the situation.

Also, as I mentioned, my main interest is more in seeing and hearing others than in doing myself, so the videos, images, and stories I find online also bring joy to my life.

[Kirby23 955]

On 12/21/2023 at 8:40 AM, gldenwetgoose said:

There are a lot of people @Kirby23 who can very much relate to everything you've said - I can personally assure you that you're very much not alone.

When seeing all the amazing content, it's easy to think that everyone has an amazing piss filled sex life, or absolute freedom to have whatever fun befalls them.   But the reality is every one of us are unique, special and gifted in the different situations we find ourselves in.    Personally I think that being with someone who doesn't share our passion actually helps keep us on a level basis.  Perhaps sometimes it's easy to be jealous of others who seem to enjoy so freely?   But ultimately I think deep down every one of us knows life isn't perfect.   Finding a soul mate is a wonderful thing.   Would we ever find another?  Would they be any more open to our wet fun?

I don't have any magic answers - the love for your partner shows through in what you've written, and there's clearly a special bond.   Definitely though don't let yourself feel guilt or shame about your particular interests, or the fact that you enjoy spending time here in this outlet.  Life isn't perfect - the best thing we can do is try to make sure we keep those closest to us happy.   If this place bridges a gap then so be it.

@gldenwetgoose Thank you so much for the kind, heartfelt response. It meant a lot to me.

[Kirby23 955]

On 12/22/2023 at 6:17 AM, W1ll_B said:

...My situation is pretty much the same, although in some ways it's different.
My wife and I have been together for a long time, and I've mentioned to her my interest, but she doesn't seem to have any particular interest in "these things."
...

...She is quite neutral about it and might casually mention something related to peeing in an everyday tone without any particular meaning...

...Of course, there would be many things that would be nice to experience that I can't with her, but mostly I would say that I am reasonably satisfied with the situation...

@W1ll_B Thank you for the kind words and empathy. I can particularly relate to several of the things you mentioned, especially the ones I included in the quote. My wife and I do occasionally talk about pee-related things, and that's a nice consolation. 

[WendyMarty 334]

I can relate to this with my hubby 

we have been together for 28 years and he doesn’t share my kink. 
I’ve tried all sorts of ways to get him involved but nothing works. 
he is reluctant to even let me watch him pee. 
 

this group helps as it’s a safe space to know we are not on our own with this. Xx

[MRJH22 221]

My girlfriend knows of my pee interests. She is not against it so I was glad I told her. She has indulged me in some ways e.g. discussing pee during sex, peeing on the toilet for me, peeing on my hand and wetting her knickers for me. It’s not really her thing and I appreciate these things. I would like her to do more but don’t want to push it so that may be as far as things go. I also love listening to the sound of a lady peeing so that is a part of my interest I can indulge in myself when I have a chance to.

[jorel2012 230]

I did something that worked for me. 
No guarantee that this works in other relationships as well. 
My wife knows about my fetish since the beginning of our relationship almost 20 years ago. 
After a few years she peed on me once (I just wrote about it in another thread) then nothing happened for almost a decade. 
We had lots of talks and also we went to partner therapists but we weren’t able to find a solution. 
Sex got worse because I felt there is something missing and my wife felt the pressure on her and obviously she had no fun at all then. 
So I decided for myself that this had to change. 
I said to her that we will stay married and take care of our son but I‘m not going to be in a sexual relationship with her anymore. She could stay in our house and we live a normal life but without the sex part. This part will then go to another woman. 
I explained her that in a marriage both needs are important, the need of the wife to not have sex all the time and the equal need of the husband to have his way of sexual satisfaction. If this does not work then one of the main foundations of marriage is kaputt.
I told her that I will create a tinder account and that I will be in bars at weekends to get to know new women. 
At first she was snapped and told me that she would get way more men than I get women. She also made an account at tinder and had 200 likes in the first hours where I had 20 or so. 
But not one man was good enough for her. She didn’t have a single date. 
I did though. The second weekend I told her that I’ll be late home that night because I had a date with a woman from tinder. 
Before I could leave the house she came to me and said that I shouldn’t go to that date. She doesn’t want that. 
I refused and went out. 
During my date I received a message from my wife that she feels horrible and she wants me back. 
The next day my wife asked me if we can talk this through one more time because she changed her mind. 
Long story short: We made an agreement. Sex one or two times a week including pee or anal, except when she feels uncomfortable. 
And now the funny part: Since then our relationship blossomed and is miles better than it ever was. She got used to it and even enjoys it now, that she makes me happy. 
As said, this is not the mainstream solution but it worked out for me. 
For me personally, sex is one of the main pillars where marriage stands on. 
Don’t know if this will help you but I wish you all the best and that you and your wife will find a good solution that both are happy with. 

[Kirby23 955]

16 hours ago, WendyMarty said:

...this group helps as it’s a safe space to know we are not on our own with this. Xx

Absolutely! I couldn't agree more.

[Kirby23 955]

@jorel2012 Interesting! Thanks for sharing!

Kind of a risky gambit, but I'm glad it paid off for you.

[wetnutt 70]

Sexuality is a continuum; there's no real think as kink, just some things are more "common" than, say, urinating in your wife's vagina.    In all relationships there are turn-ons that aren't shared.  You can't "make" your partner like something they don't like and you have to respect that if you want to have a long and healthy relationship.  That you have regular sex after 15 years is a sign you're doing something right.  And it's great your wife indulges your "kink" occasionally.  Just be sure to indulge her sometimes as a thank you.   With my wife that means buying her an expensive book or a weird plant (not kidding).

 

 

 

[MommyImWettingMyself 73]

That sucks that she's said those things to you.  She has every right to feel however SHE feels about the fetish and to say no to participating, but to run someone down like that is not okay.  It's clearly not a choice because who would choose such a thing?  

It sounds like you NEED a partner to participate in this kink with you to some degree to feel completely satisfied sexually, and her complete revulsion towards it is not a good fit with that.  Couples/sex therapy is an option but long-term I don't know if this bodes well for success as a couple.  Sounds like maybe your sex drives in general are not all that compatible which is a very common thing.  Hope things get better.  🙌🏻

[Kirby23 955]

21 hours ago, wetnutt said:

 ...And it's great your wife indulges your "kink" occasionally.  Just be sure to indulge her sometimes as a thank you.   With my wife that means buying her an expensive book or a weird plant (not kidding).

@wetnutt Thank you, insightful and appreciated. 

Since my wife isn't particularly into sex very much in the first place, there's not really any potential for a quid-pro-quo of sexual fantasies or kinks or whatever. I do try to be as giving as I can, trying to emphasize her pleasure as much as I can. 

I appreciate your comment about thanking her in other (non-sexual) ways. Makes sense.

[Kirby23 955]

15 hours ago, MommyImWettingMyself said:

...It sounds like you NEED a partner to participate in this kink with you to some degree to feel completely satisfied sexually, and her complete revulsion towards it is not a good fit with that.  Couples/sex therapy is an option but long-term I don't know if this bodes well for success as a couple.  Sounds like maybe your sex drives in general are not all that compatible which is a very common thing.  Hope things get better.  🙌🏻

@MommyImWettingMyself Thanks for the feedback. I wouldn't characterize it as a NEED as much as a strong desire. 

I also wouldn't characterize her feelings as complete revulsion. I think that might've been accurate at first, but it has lessened over the years to something more akin to tolerance now. Albeit grudging tolerance at times perhaps?

Yes, I'd agree that our sex drives don't align, in that I have one and she doesn't. But we've more-or-less settled into a compromise that generally works for both of us in terms of frequency.

[wetnutt 70]

As someone married for 35 years and who, along with my wife, did counselling of other couples through church, having different sex-drive and having sex drive change over the years is the norm. 

The secret with us has been to be open to anything and respectful of each other.   Masterbation has always been totally acceptable in our marriage as a way of dealing with sex drive differences.  We learnt to masterbate each other as part of giving massages and are fine with solo masterbation anytime.   My wife had endometriosis where she couldn't stand more than a few seconds of PIV - and doing this we still managed to get pregnant! 

Hopefully you'll get lucky like I did and your wife will get horny again at peri-menopause.  For about 6 month when she was 48 she had to have sex every day which helped re-enforce the importance of keeping up the intimacy as we grow old together. 

[Kirby23 955]

On 1/19/2024 at 10:55 AM, wetnutt said:

Hopefully you'll get lucky like I did and your wife will get horny again at peri-menopause.  For about 6 month when she was 48 she had to have sex every day which helped re-enforce the importance of keeping up the intimacy as we grow old together. 

@wetnutt Coincidentally, that's the age/stage she's coming up to. No changes in libido yet, but maybe it'll be as you say. A man can hope!

[Jayargo 17]

Like the title says, my spouse doesn’t share my fetish. I have a HUGE piss fetish. Mostly, I enjoy watching women soak their pants. My partner will occasionally pee on me. She’s neutral on it so it doesn’t really get us going. I would love to watch her wet her pants or play with her pee, but she’s just not into it. I 100% respect that. I share my interests in a non-pushy way, just so she knows my desires, but I would never guilt her or push her into something she was uncomfortable with. Consent and enthusiasm are sexy. 
 

I’ve never been into wetting myself, but I tried it for the first time recently. I wore some of her large pajama pants and let go. It was exciting, but it just made me want to share it with someone. 
 

I would never think of betraying my wife. It’s sad that I’ll probably never experience that with another person, but it is what it is. Im glad I can write here in the forum and read the experiences of other people. Really, I’m not looking for something sexual. Just want to share and know others like piss like I do. I’m sure there are others out there with the same situation. 

[gldenwetgoose 21,497]

Welcome to our community @Jayargo.   I'm merged your post into this existing thread - you'll see that you are most definitely not alone, I for one am very much there too.

You'll find a huge family of people here from all over, with a common interest.  Some with partners that support, some who are alone and some as you're finding things too.   We're all here to support and encourage each other.

[beergut64 170]

My wife doesn’t share my love of watersports. But she will give me a golden shower any time I require, because she knows it makes me happy.

 It’s true though, it’s never like it is in the movies, as our American friends would say.

What I mean is in my experience, it well never look like it does in your favourite video clip, because you will be viewing it from a different perspective. I have recorded several golden showers, and it still doesn’t look the same .

 I basically love it purely from a sensory perspective.😊

Edited February 24 by beergut64
Adding

[Jayargo 17]

2 hours ago, gldenwetgoose said:

Welcome to our community @Jayargo.   I'm merged your post into this existing thread - you'll see that you are most definitely not alone, I for one am very much there too.

You'll find a huge family of people here from all over, with a common interest.  Some with partners that support, some who are alone and some as you're finding things too.   We're all here to support and encourage each other.

Many thanks!

[Kupar 13,341]

11 hours ago, Jayargo said:

Like the title says, my spouse doesn’t share my fetish. I have a HUGE piss fetish. Mostly, I enjoy watching women soak their pants. My partner will occasionally pee on me. She’s neutral on it so it doesn’t really get us going. I would love to watch her wet her pants or play with her pee, but she’s just not into it. I 100% respect that. I share my interests in a non-pushy way, just so she knows my desires, but I would never guilt her or push her into something she was uncomfortable with. Consent and enthusiasm are sexy. 
 

I’ve never been into wetting myself, but I tried it for the first time recently. I wore some of her large pajama pants and let go. It was exciting, but it just made me want to share it with someone. 
 

I would never think of betraying my wife. It’s sad that I’ll probably never experience that with another person, but it is what it is. Im glad I can write here in the forum and read the experiences of other people. Really, I’m not looking for something sexual. Just want to share and know others like piss like I do. I’m sure there are others out there with the same situation. 

It sounds like you have come to terms with your kink and the situation you find yourself in, and that sounds good. As others have said there is a supportive and fun community here with a huge range of personal circumstances. Welcome - and enjoy looking around, reading and enjoying the enormous amount of content, and interacting as you choose. 

[Ryan12 49]

I totally get where you’re coming from as my fiancee really struggles to understand the kink. Thankfully she’s a lot more open minded about it and she will pee on me sometimes in the shower and allow me to watch and record her if she ever has to pee outdoors, but it is rare and since she doesn’t understand it I often have to remind her about it for her to do anything for me. And I always feel guilty because she always seems a bit annoyed about it. I appreciate what she does for me and that she tries her best not to kink shame but I often end up seeking additional gratification online.