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Dear Wet Carpet

My name is Dave, but don't let that put you off because I am basically writing about a woman, just about the naughtiest and most outrageously dirty woman I've ever met. I get horny as hell just thinking about it.

But I best start this story from the beginning. I am in my early 20s, and am in the habit of having a few beers down at the local pub, which is a bit of a dive but convenient. Well, one evening a number of months back I was out with a couple of mates who'd succeeded in picking up these two girls, with whom they were focussed upon chatting. Well, that was a problem right there, because there were three of us and only two girls - and I ended up being the one playing gooseberry. So I wandered off and stood on my own drinking at the bar for a bit, hoping another mate or two would come in. And that's when I overheard a very interesting conversation a few feet to my left.

The middle aged barmaid - Carol - was chatting quite loudly to two of her friends stood at the bar, who were both highly amused at what they were being told. You see, that barmaid was talking about this woman she knew and what can best be described as her drunken pissing antics. This included pissing on the pavement outside pubs in full public view when the ladies's were full. I heard Carol describe a time when they'd found her sitting on the floor in the ladies', and peeing everywhere, even though cubicles were available. And apparently, Carol the barmaid and friends had gone looking for her one night and found her around the back of the nightclub they'd been in, standing with her knickers in her hand and pissing. And some guy was laying on the ground watching her piss splashing down. Since it was windy, apparently, some of it was blowing in his face! The barmaid's friends were most amused when they were told that the guy was drinking it!

Well, I no longer wanted any new friends to interrupt me now. I wanted to focus upon listening in. The conversation moved away onto boring shit for a time but kept coming back. And I heard them all laughing at the barmaid's revelation that the woman's house smelt a bit pissy, amused at the thought of her peeing just about anywhere when she'd gotten home from the pub. I discovered that she was about 40, and was called Angela.

Over the coming weeks I spent more time at the bar, cultivating a conversational friendship with barmaid Carol. The thought of this Angela woman just pissing anywhere was really doing it for me and I so much wanted to bump into her. Carol was an amusing woman in her own right anyway and fun to chat to, and eventually we ended up having a laugh about pee porn. Not sure how that subject came up, but she did then start to laugh with me about this Angela woman - whom she'd known since school. Heard a few pissy anecdotes from her schooldays, but I'll not write about that due to age considerations.

She told me some of the same stuff I'd been listening in on before - and more. Like Angela pissing in telephone boxes and on busses, and on someone's carpet at a party once. Bit by bit, over the course of several weeks - just a little bit here and there not to make my interest too obvious - I gleaned a bit more info. I really wanted to meet this woman. I am a pretty good-looking gent, and thought I'd have a good chance of charming her if I met her. And I managed to find out which pub she drank in and what she looked like - large but not fat and with jet black hair but blue eyes.

I began dividing my time between Carol's pub, and the other, even more downmarket dive which Angela frequented. A few times I saw the woman I thought it was chatting to other guys, and occasionally leaving with one. I became certain it was her when I overheard her joking about pissing in some guy's glass. And she might have been old enough to be my mum, but she still looked hot. Any last doubt about this being Angela was removed when she said to this guy one evening that she needed a piss - they were sat near the door - and laughed about how she couldn't be bothered to go to the ladies so was just going to piss outside. Smirking, she got up and strode the few feet to the door and stepped out. Knowing what was likely to be happening yet struggling to believe my luck, I decided that this was a good time to leave so that I could walk out too. I quickly downed my drink and headed for the door about 30 seconds behind her.

And as I stepped out into the streetlit semi-darkness, there she was squatting on the pavement - knickers removed and in her hand - pissing right there on the pavement, not caring about the cars driving past. She looked at me smiling as I strode out - still pissing away - and said something like, "Just thought I'd pop out for a piss." Then she laughed. A passing car beeped it's horn at her - the male driver and female passenger both laughing. She still just carried on pissing as she waved at them.

I told her that she looked sexy as fuck just pissing there like that. She was by now just about finishing. So as she put her knickers in her pocket and stood up she joked with me, "Hope you enjoyed the show." Then she joked about how she'd maybe piss on me someday if I were lucky. Then, before re-entering the pub, she suggested I return the favour by getting my dick out and pissing so she could watch me. So I stood facing the wall, fly unzipped and dick in hand, as I pissed against that wall. She stood beside me, grinning as she gazed at my pissing dick. It must have been obvious that I was enjoying her attention because my dick was starting to get harder. Before I'd finished, she suddenly placed her hand in front of my dick, laughing as my piss splashed through her fingers.

Once I'd finished, she gave me a quick peck on the cheek and giggled as she re-entered the pub, leaving me to make my way home.

Well, that was the ice broken. We exchanged warm greetings and the occasional knowing smirk after that, but she was usually with someone. But finally yesterday evening I found her alone and started chatting to her, offering to buy her a drink before too long. And she was clearly pleased to be shown such interest in by a guy so much younger than her

Well, as I bought her drink after drink we were soon laughing about our previous encounter, both pissing outside the pub. I got her onto the subject of just pissing anywhere - for some reason I didn't understand, the thought of her just pissing all over the place was turning me on even more than the thought of her pissing on me. And - pleased to find someone interested in it - she admitted that sometimes she'd just piss on the kitchen and bathroom floors at home. And said that when drunk she'd peed on her living room carpet in front of some guy who she then got to piss against her living room wall. She laughed about how the stain on the wallpaper was still visible. She also freely admitted that late at night, if she couldn't be bothered going to the loo in the middle of the night, she'd think nothing of just pissing on her bedroom carpet beside the bed. She laughed about how it was actually good fun.

Well I ended up going back to her place, where she actually suggested pissing in the living room. Man, I think I'm in love, lol. Anyway, I was well up for it of course.

And so, we ended up naked, Angela then standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips. And - grinning with obvious pleasure - she just started pissing right there all over her own living room carpet. I watched in awe as the loud hissing of her relief and the sound of her piss splashing down onto the fabric filled the room. She looked at me as she peed, " I love pissing on this carpet" and laughed. And she must have been saving it up because she peed for ages. Well over half a minute later, the puddle on the carpet was massive, but still she was pissing with seemingly full force. For a long while she gazed with an expression of obvious glee at the sight of her own piss loudly splashing down. Much of the area peed on was now so sodden that a large pool of pee rested upon the carpet, which was unable to absorb more. And still her piss cascaded down. She looked at me with a grin, saying "Still going strong." She found that funny.

Eventually, of course, her flow did begin to dwindle into an eventual halt. Once finished - and still standing astride her massive puddle - she smiled at me. "I needed that."

Then she suggested it was my turn. She told me that I could christen her bedroom carpet as she led me upstairs, and said she wanted to hold my dick for me. And that's pretty much what happened. I stood in the middle of her bedroom, just pissing right there as she aimed my dick around, causing me to piss over a wide area of that carpet. A very large area of it got peed on. I was nearly hard by the time I'd finshed.

After that, we had great sex before crashing out. I'd never slept with a woman so much older than me before, but she was really good in bed.

This morning we both awoke feeling horny and wanting sex again. But we both badly needed a pee as well. Which is when she came up with this little gem - "Let's just piss on this bed! Then we can have sex on the pissy bed." She laughed at this new idea of hers.

I couldn't believe what a dirty mind this woman had! Fucking brilliant!

So she ended up squatting upon one end of the bed, just in front of the pillows, whilst I stood on the floor beside the other end of the bed, aiming my dick towards it. And we both pissed all over her bed. I aimed my dick around, spraying a wide area. She squatted, soaking one spot for a while, but then raised herself up into a semi-squatting stance whilst still pissing, and gyrated her hips to spray as wide an area as possible. The sheets were stained yellow because this was our morning pee, and the mattress beneath was somewhat soaked too by the time we'd finshed. Then we got down on the pissy bed - very wet but still warm at first - and fucked each other silly as our bodies grew wet with our own and each other's piss.

Naturally, I took her number and plan to see her again. Already, I have agreed to let her piss on my bedroom carpet sometime as a way of proving my love. And because I just love the idea of watching her do it, lol.

Dave

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  • 3 weeks later...

Dear Wet Carpet

I was out drinking last night and picked up this woman in her early 30s, blonde, nice ass and great tits, and an awesome figure. And she had the sexiest smile. We got chatting and hit it off, and she really did have an awesome sense of humour. We went back to my place - already flirting in a very sexually charged way by now - where I cracked open the champagne that I'd been saving for a special occasion. I figured that getting it on with this girl - Wendy, her name is - would be an occasion special enough to warrant a whole crate full of champagne, lol.

Anyway, we started chatting about porn, and before too long, between kissing and exploring with our hands, my laptop was out and she was using her smartphone to email "interesting" vids and pics over to my laptop which of course had a much bigger screen than her phone. But - giggling semi-drunkenly - we ended up laughing about some of the weirder stuff we'd come across. She showed me this vid of these guys pretending to be babies, with dummies in their gobs and having their nappies changed. We both thought that was hilarious.

Then I showed her this amateur film I'd stumbled across showing this role-playing couple, and it really was very funny. There was this pot-bellied and balding middle-aged guy dressed up as Batman getting jiggy with his wife who was dressed up as Wonder Woman. And some of the dialogue was just too much, lol. Wendy thought this was hilarious.

Wendy then showed me some hardcore extreme S&M clip where this woman was doing unspeakable things to some guy's balls. It was excruciating to even look at it, which must have been obvious to her because she found my reaction most amusing.

She then showed me another video which began with a naked girl getting up on a glass table and....and...well... I'll leave that one right there. Suffice it to say it was rather disgusting, though Wendy found my reaction quite funny again. She said she always found it funny to see people's shocked reactions when she showed them something so gross.

After that, the spanking vid I showed her was rather tame, so I followed up with another, featuring two girls on a bed pissing all over each other. And this was the beginning of something very interesting. Wendy laughed, "Watersports, eh? And all over the fucking bed as well, haha."

And for some reason, that kind of turned me on hearing her say that. I had always had a secret thing about pee porn but had never done anything with anyone. She said, "When you are sober, it's all just really gross, but have you ever noticed that when you've had a few drinks, pissing can seem like fun? Don't know why. But I've peed on guys a couple of times when drunk. Even let one piss on me once. "

I got the kind of hard-on hearing this that could never go un-noticed for long. And she did notice, and laughed, "You perv! The thought of me pissing on you has given you a hard on, has it? Haha."

She continued,"I do actually need a pee pretty soon. But nowhere near drunk enough to piss on some guy. Besides, I have a golden rule for golden showers. Never piss on someone on a first date." That little quip amused her too.

She then smirked as she said, "I know something weird you'll probably like. Look at the dirty bitches in this vid." And she soon enough sent another vid to my laptop.

And the first scene in the vid featured some blonde girl semi-squatting in a hotel room and pissing right there on the carpet. As we watched, Wendy laughed about how much fun it would be to do stuff like that when drunk. I immediately poured her some more champagne, lol.

Next scene featured the same naked girl squatting in the bathroom and pissing on the floor. Then another scene showed her standing and pissing against the hotel room wall. Wendy grinned, "I love how she just pisses all over the place. It must be so much fun when you've had a few and don't give a fuck."

I joked, "I wish I was the cameraman".

She mock punched me. "Perv! Anyway, I do actually need a pee and can't really wait much longer. Ok if I use your loo? Boring I know compared to her" she laughed as she nodded in the direction of my laptop screen, where the blonde girl was now grinning whilst squatting and pissing on the bed. "But you are welcome to come and watch me pee if you like."

By now I was so turned on by this video and notions of Wendy peeing that I was past caring about the damage. The notion of watching her just pee anywhere was seriously doing it for me right then. So I took a gamble with my next suggestion. "Why bother with the loo. Just piss anywhere."

Her eyes widened in surprise, but she was still smiling. "Are you serious? What about the mess?"

"Right now, I don't care. I'll worry about that in the morning."

Her face lit up with a naughty grin as she pointed to my living room carpet in the middle of the room. "Shall I piss here?"

"Go on then", I encouraged with a smile.

"Alright then, I will", she giggled as she removed her footware before reaching for the fastenings of her jeans. Soon both jeans and knickers were removed as she strode - grinning - towards the middle of the room, her gorgeous ass awesomely sexy in it's nakedness, her blonde pubes visible. She placed her hands on her hips and parted her legs just a little, then looked directly at me with a beaming smile. "I'm actually going to piss on your fucking carpet, haha".

And seconds later it happened. A loud hissing sound filled the room as a powerful golden stream sprayed forwards before splashing down onto the carpet with a kind of muffled splashing sound, which grew louder and changed in pitch as the carpet grew wetter. She gazed gleefully for several seconds at her own yellow piss pattering down, before looking at me and laughing, "I'm pissing on your carpet."

She must have been pretty desperate, because the torrent was forceful and long. And she was soon back to grinning with obvious delight at the sight of her own piss splashing down. The puddle on the carpet was starting to grow very large, the centre of it getting ever more soaked, with the sound of Wendy's piss splashing down growing louder in consequence. She suddenly chuckled for a few seconds, her piss showing no sign of abating. The area of the carpet being peed on grew so saturated that it was unable to absorb more, and a veritable puddle formed glistening upon it, a mini lake of hot golden piss. Yet still Wendy's pee splashed down.

She looked at me again, and laughed, "I'm ruining your carpet here."

"I don't care right now. You look sexy as fuck."

"Pervert! Letting me piss all over your carpet, haha."

I laughed good naturedly at this. "You're calling me a pervert, but you're the one doing the pissing."

"Yeah I know", she grinned. "Really enjoying this piss, too. This is an epic turn on, just being a dirty bitch and pissing any fucking where."

She looked down at her own yellow torrent once more, still splashing down. By now, the puddle was absolutely massive, a huge area of the living room carpet soaked in piss. Yet still her piss sprayed forwards before splashing down, with little sign of abating.

Again, she looked towards me, still pissing, and chuckled, "I can't believe you're letting me piss on your carpet like this."

I laughed in response, "I can't believe how much you're pissing."

We both found this amusing, her piss still splashing down.

Eventually, of course, all good things must come to an end and her torrent finally dwindled into a trickle before stopping, leaving an enormous piss-drenched patch of carpet in the middle of the room.

She then wanted me to piss all over the place as well, and offered to hold my dick for me. Of course, I was well up for that, though peeing wasn't quite as easy as it should have been with my very full bladder due to my massive hard on.

But we ended up doing that in my kitchen - the living room carpet was ruined enough - with Wendy aiming my dick around so that I pretty much peed everywhere - against one of the walls, on the tiled floor, against the door of the fridge, and on the kitchen table.

After that, she grinned at the sight of my pee all over the kitchen, and said, "Well, you know my first date rules. No golden showers on first dates. But maybe next time we meet - if we both still feel the same way - you can do that all over me. And maybe I'll piss all over you too. But in the meantime, I'm horny as fuck, now. Let's go to bed."

Which we did, having great sex. And she was awesomely adventurous in the bedroom too, getting me to lick her ass and shit like that. Sadly, she was gone before I woke this morning, but left a note thanking me for a great time - apologising for the carpet - and leaving me her phone number, inviting me to call her.

And I definitely will.

John

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dear Wet Carpet

My name is Alice and I am getting on a bit now. Lost touch with many of the friends of youth, some are no longer even with us, sadly, whilst those I am still in touch with are as old as I am. But during our youth back in the late 60s we were all a bunch of cool, wild, and very fun loving young people in our early 20s. And as was the done thing in those days, we occupied much of our time with student demos, anti-Vietnam War protests, tuning in and dropping out, and smoking way too much pot, lol.

Anyway, we were all at this party at this dude's house one night during the summer of love - 1969 - in sunny California, wearing only bikinis and shorts, listening to some Rolling Stones and doing some serious drinking whilst smoking large quantities of pot. I guess because of the latter, every silly little thing kind of seemed hilariously funny.

Anyway, at one point when one of the girls needed to pee, some dude suggested that instead of going to the john, she just piss right there in one of the plant pots. We all thought that idea very funny - including her - so she agreed to do it for a laugh. One of the guys carried the biggest plant pot into the middle of the room and placed it down on the carpeted floor. Then she stood facing it, the plant pot below and slightly in front of her, as she parted her legs and pulled her bikini bottoms aside. And then she was pissing there right in front of us, spraying the plant and - mostly - pissing in the plant pot amidst much laughter. I say "mostly" because some of it was missing and just landing on the carpet. But stoned as we were, that just made it seem even funnier.

As she stepped back afterwards, another laughing girl stepped forward, announcing that she was going to pee there too. She took up a similar stance, standing, legs slightly apart, bikini bottoms pulled aside, and started pissing. But her aim was off and she was missing the plant pot entirely, her piss splashing down onto the carpet beside it. This seemed really funny, so she made no attempt to adjust her aim at all, just laughing with the rest of us as she carried right on deliberately pissing there on the carpet. She'd made a massive puddle by the end.

Some guy then got his dick out and started pissing in the plant pot in front of us all. But in mid-piss he started aiming his dick around - again amidst much laughter - as he deliberately pissed over a large area of the carpet. Then my friend - Marie she was called - decided to pee as well, but said something about seeing no point in even bothering with the plant pot anymore. She simply stood well away from it, pulled her bikini bottoms aside, and deliberately pissed right there on the carpet in front of everyone. We all thought that really funny too. And I still can't believe she did that! But I also realised that all this was starting to turn me on.

So I ended up pulling my own bikini bottoms aside as I dropped down into a kind of semi-squatting position, and started pissing all over the carpet myself. Even today I am astonished at the fact that I actually did that - and in front of everyone too - but it felt exhileratingly sexy at the time. I got a real buzz out of doing it. Just pissing there all over some dude's carpet in front of all my male and female friends, just for a laugh.

After that, the guy whose house this was - and who had been joining in with the laughter - lightheartedly drew a line in the sand so to speak. He said something like, "Guys, that was funny as fuck, but no more pissing on the carpet. It's fucked up enough already."

We all laughed at that, and just carried on with the party.

Towards the end, one of the guys was totally wasted and crashed out on the bathroom floor. His girlfriend - at her own suggestion but egged on by the rest of us - decided it would be funny to stand over the dude, and piss all over him. And he never woke up under that golden shower. So - with the assent of his girlfriend - a couple of the other girls in turn stood over him, pissing on him as well. His clothes were soaked and he was laying in a pool of lady piss on the tiled floor by the time they'd both done it. But still he slept through it. The rest of us thought this pretty damned funny, and just left him there, laying in and covered in piss.

I heard that when he woke up and realised he'd been pissed all over, he started to freak out at first, thinking that some of the other guys had pissed on him for a joke. But as soon as he found out it was his girlfriend and another couple of girls who'd done it, he was cool with it, lol. Or so I heard.

Anyway, that was a one off. Never had any more parties where anything similar happened, and I left the wild days behind soon enough and settled down to a respected career in the legal profession, now retired. Since that night of wild peeing, I've never done anything much naughtier than popping the occasional squat in the shower, or hanging by butt over some sink and peeing in it. But I have been known to get myself off on the memory of taking a piss all over some dude's carpet in front of him and everyone else at that party all those years ago.

In my hornier moments - growing rarer at my age, sadly - I do cherish the memory of that party.

Alice

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Dear Wet Carpet

I love reading the letters in this magazine. Some of the girls who write in seem to enjoy pissing in the most outrageous places. Reminds me of a girlfriend I used to have.

I'll always remember the first time I stayed the night at her place. We'd drank a little wine, gone to bed together, had sex, then lay there chatting for a bit. Then we decided it was time to crash out, but first she said she had to pee. She climbed out of bed naked. But instead of heading to the door, she walked towards a corner of the bedroom, where she crouched down. And she just started matter-of-factly pissing right there on the carpet!

My eyes almost popped out of my head. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She noticed my astonishment and seemed slightly amused by it. She grinned. "The expression on your face is so funny. I'm only having a piss. It's just easier doing it here. I do it all the time. "

And come to think of it, her room did smell just a little bit pissy.

By the time she'd finished, the puddle on the carpet was very large.

I was only with her for about a year or so. But if ever she needed to pee when we were in her bedroom, just doing it in the corner on the carpet was pretty normal for her. A few times she didn't even bother doing that. She just squatted beside the bed and peed on the carpet right there! She was always totally matter of fact about it. Was never totally sure if she got a thrill out of it, or just did it because she was some kind of skanky, lazy bitch, who didn't give a shit about sleeping in a room with a pissy carpet, lol. It was a bit of a turn on seeing her doing it, though. She even let me piss on the carpet in the corner too, if I needed to go.

I guess she might well be the kind of girl who regularly writes to this magazine, lol.

Frank

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Dear Wet Carpet

I am a 36 year old married mother of three - thoroughly respectable of course, lol. I work as a manager in a supermarket whilst hubby is a highly skilled heart surgeon. Between us we earn pretty good money and do ok. But what none of my daughters or my husband know, is that when I was young I went through a phase where I got a kick out of peeing in weird places instead of doing it in the toilet, like on my bedroom carpet or all over the bathroom floor. Never made a habit out of it, though, so never got caught by my mother. And I grew out of it after a year or two.

Since then, working hard and raising my family, I would always have regarded anything like that as both childish and dirty. But I am not totally naive, of course. I am well aware that some people are into watersports and golden showers. I have heard of porn vids where people do that kind of stuff, even in places like on the bed which must get covered in pee. I suppose that in my naughtier moments, the thought of such things has always been rather erotic to me, but I have been in denial, convinced that decent women just don't look at that sort of thing, let alone do it. With my self-image as a respectable woman, it never really consciously crossed my mind to link peeing with eroticism. Decent women and good wives and mothers just don't go around pissing all over the place. Most un-ladylike - at least that always was my automatic assumption.

That was until one day fairly recently when - don't know why - I recalled peeing where I shouldn't when much younger, and found the memory of it a turn on. I was alone for the day, enjoying a rare day off. Hubby was working and the kids were all at school. So my reminiscences triggered a curiosity that led me to logging on. I decided to seek out pee porn, especially anything showing people peeing on floors, carpets, beds, furniture, and so on. Some of what I found was a revelation. There were vids of people pissing in each other's mouths and drinking it, and all sorts like that. And I was surprised not to be disgusted by that. Instead, some of it turned me on. I was also surprised at how what they call "girl on girl" stuff was doing it for me. I'd always regarded myself as totally straight, yet the sight of a girl squatting over another girl's face and pissing in her mouth actually gave me a sexual thrill. And stupidly, I felt a pang of jealousy too, wishing it was me pissing in that girls's mouth!

A lot of the watersports action did seem to be taking place on beds or sofas which were obviously getting pissed all over too, which aspect I found really arousing. And I found a few clips featuring girls on their own just pissing on hotel carpets, or other weird places like on tables, kitchen floors, or beds. One clip even featured a woman pissing against the wall in a hotel room in front of her laughing friend! I think someone had lifted that from a paysite. Anyway, after several hours of browsing such stuff I felt horny as well and brought myself off with one of the best orgasms I've ever had.

Didn't know what to think afterwards. I felt like a bit of a skanky perv, actually, and felt a bit bad. And in the following days and weeks I wrestled with my conscience somewhat. But my desire to immerse myself in pissing erotica always got the better of me, and eventually I managed to convince myself that there was no harm in it. There are worse things to be into. So why not have fun with it all? After all, it was not as if I were actually doing any of this stuff myself. I was just enjoying watching other people doing it for the camera.

Anyway, my various pee porn searches eventually led me to this magazine. So, using an account my husband knows nothing about, I subscribed to it. So yes, I was now actually paying for pissing erotica. And all the letters from other women detailing their various pissing adventures on carpets and elsewhere - many of them outwardly respectable and decent women just like me - was not only a massive turn on but helped me realise that it was not so bad after all. The pissings on carpets and beds seemed like the sexiest things of all to read about, since to me these were the most outrageously naughty and just downright wrong places to do it. Which is what made the idea such a turn on.

And I began to think the unthinkable. Could I - should I - actually piss on the carpet somewhere in my own home? The thought of it alone seriously turned me on, yet a part of me still thought that this was wrong. Respectable women like me don't go around pissing on their own carpets just for fun. But the idea of it was so turning me on, and I was wrestling with my conscience.

Well today, whilst dying for a piss, and home alone once more, I was reading the latest letters in your magazine, and seriously enjoying the thought of myself just pissing on the carpet. As so many times before, I wondered if I could actually do that. But whereas before I'd always talked myself out of actually doing such a thing, today I finally overcame my inhibitions. And I found myself squatting in my living room, knickers discarded, skirt hoisted above my ass, astonished that here I was about to actually piss on the living room carpet on purpose, but massively turned on by that realisation.

And then I was doing it, the loud hissing sound that I make when full-bladdered, filling that almost silent room, the only other sound being that of my own piss splashing down on the carpet. I couldn't believe what I was actually doing but it felt so much fun. And I pissed for ages, watching the ever growing puddle beneath me growing utterly saturated. And I just carried on until I was done, shunting aside all worries about the mess. Indeed, I was getting off on the knowledge that I was deliberately doing it all here, even though I could easily have stopped, eventually creating a massive puddle.

It was utterly exhilerating. Just squatting and pissing right there on the living room carpet.

As soon as I'd finished, I logged in here to write this letter, glancing periodically at the still obvious massive puddle on the carpet. Now I am going to have to go and quickly rub one out. I need another orgasm badly right now. Just too turned on. And then when I've done, I somehow have to figure out a way of cleaning all that up effectively before the kids get home, lol.

Sarah

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Well done, Steve. I especially like Sarah's letter. The idea of a "respectable" wife and mother (re)discovering a naughtier side to herself is really hot. I wonder if she will ever reveal her desires to her husband?

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Dear Wet Carpet.

I'm Selina, no longer quite as young as I'd like at 38 but still pretty good-looking. I enjoy reading your magazine. I find all those letters by women adnitting to pissing all over the place in their own homes quite funny. And doing it in other people's as well, lol. And the idea of just letting some guy get his dick out and piss on your carpet - well that's just too fucking funny.

But I'm a pretty broad-minded girl. It's not a massive thing in my life, but I've done the peeing thing before. And it can be highly erotic to just piss all over someone and things like that. Usually, that sort of thing gets done in the bath or shower, though.

These days I run an escort agency, and I have girls on my books willing to do the peeing thing. I've retired from that line of work now as far as the frontline goes, but I used to be very much a hands on - and knickers off - sex worker myself. I'd visit paying clients in their own homes and do whatever it was they wanted to pay for - assuming it was something I was ok with. Often, it was the usual stuff that their wives or girlfriends didn't really want to do - anal sex and blowjobs, mostly. But I had a few kinkier ones, which I liked because I could charge more. There was the teacher who wanted me to use a cane on his bare ass, and the hotel manager who wanted mutual spanking sessions. Some guys wanted to be tied up and humiliated, which sometimes included me pissing on them.

But I had a few here and there who just wanted to be peed on before sex, usually in the bath. Sometimes, they'd want to pee on me. Rarely were there any other women involved, mostly just solo guys. And guys generally preferred me to piss all over them rather than their carpets, lol. What the niche community who write to this magazine tend to call "naughty peeing" wasn't really something I was asked to do, mostly. But there was one exception both in regards to naughty peeing and the presence of another female. And that was the main reason for writing this letter. I wanted to share it with you.

It was a bit of a weird one, really. A husband and wife team. I was in my mid-20s at the time and they must have been at least ten years older. And they weren't paying me for sex at all. They didn't even want to piss on me or be pissed on by me. Instead, they'd have this large round glass table in the middle of their living room, and I'd be paid to get naked and squat upon it, just pissing all over this table whilst they watched. And she'd have his dick out, wanking him off as I peed - almost always I saw him shoot his load before I'd finished. I was expected to be full bladdered, they wanted me to piss loads. And every time, my pee ended up pouring off at least one edge of the table onto the carpet. He often shot his load at that point!

It was funny for sure - the idea that they were actually paying me to make such a mess. But it was also quite exhilerating if I must be honest, and really just so liberating just to be able to pee right there like that. And yes, I suppose I got a buzz out of doing it as well. I must have been paid to do that a couple of dozen times at least, always the same thing. Though sometimes, instead of her stroking his dick, he be going down on her or something whilst she watched me pissing on the table. Weird, but fun.

I still hear about some of the weird things going on out there now from the girls working for me, though. The other week, one girl was fidgetting around a bit in my office, obviously desperate for a pee. I asked her what the problem was. "I need a pee", she informed me.

"Well, go to the toilet then", I laughed.

"I can't! I've got to piss on an headmaster in just under an hour."

And that's what passes for matter of fact conversation in my office, lol.

And one of my girls called Chloe - we've often had a giggle about this - has this client who likes her to piss all over his bed before they have sex on it.

Another girl once got hired by this lesbian couple who both wanted to pee all over her in their own living room, peeing all over their own living room carpet in the process.

I don't do sex work anymore myself, and the peeing thing has never been a massive part of my private sex life. But there have been one or two occasions at home when - on a whim - instead of using the toilet, I've peed all over the bathroom floor right in front of it. I've done that a few times in public toilets as well! And I've let a girlfriend piss on me before, too.

Anyway, apologies for the rambling and meandering style of my letter. It's just that I kept thinking of new things to put in as I was going along. Hope that's OK.

Selina

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Dear Wet Carpet

I'm Karla, a marine biologist in my mid-30s. I earn reasonably good money now, but back in my student days I was struggling financially, with only a part time job as a barmaid and student loans to worry about. One day, my car packed up on me in a big way. Needed a massive repair bill and it was only a cheap old banger, so it was best just to put it out of it's misery and scrap it. Needed a replacement though quite badly. Couldn't easily juggle uni and job - inconveniently both were in very different parts of town - without transport. Problem was, I was skint. So I put it about that I needed some extra cash quite badly, hoping someone might come up with a solution that might help me out.

Well, I was a good looker back then - still am now actually - with long blonde hair, blue eyes, great figure, ample tits and nice bum. Guys had in fact often complimented me on my nice ass. Well, probably due to the fact that I was regarded as highly sexy but in need of cash, a solution did come my way in the form of an offer from these two guys. Basically, they just wanted to film me - pics and vids - to sell on the German market. Apparently, there is a niche interest in Germany for English girls - imagined to be demure and respectable, and slightly arrogant I am told, lol - who actually just piss all over the place. And I was offered £600 by these two guys to do that and let them film me doing it. And they had a venue sorted. Didn't have to worry about messing my own digs up.

Well, I was shocked and slightly freaked out, but I kept thinking about that £600, and how badly I needed it for another cheap car. And I told myself it was only pissing. And so what if I wasn't using the toilet and these two guys were filming me? I'd let a guy watch me piss before, and it did sound like easy money. So much to my own surprise, I ended up agreeing, hoping that none of my student friends would ever see any of the stuff.

Well, next day - plied with a few drinks to both relax me and fill my bladder - I was taken to this house. No idea whose it was. And I was encouraged to undress whilst being filmed and photographed. And much to my surprise I began to find it mildly erotic. I was then instructed to walk into the dining room which contained a large round glass dining table in the middle of a carpeted floor. And I ended up squatting upon that table, pissing there, whilst these two guys filmed and photographed me, including some shots from under the table. I flooded the glass surface too, and was still pissing as my pee began pouring off one of the sides onto the carpet below. They just encouraged me to keep on pissing, which I did until I was done. I found the whole thing quite surprisingly erotic, the sound of my pee splashing onto glass and the sight of it pouring off the table's edge onto the carpet actually gave me a naughty thrill. A part of me wondered at what a dirty bitch I was, just pissing right there and enjoying it. These two guys filming me, and the knowledge that other people were going to be enjoying the pics and vids of me in action, was kind of arousing too.

Well, they wanted their money's worth so one pee was never going to be enough. So they encouraged me to drink a load more, giving me free lager, and laughed and joked with me until I needed to pee again. And in fact, they were surprisingly normal, just regular guys with a great sense of humour. I was having a good laugh which made the afternoon even more enjoyable, and not at all awkward - even though I was chatting to them with fuck all on, lol.

When I needed to pee again - they insisted upon waiting until I needed to go quite badly so that I'd pee loads - it was a case of heading upstairs, getting up onto this large bed and squatting there. And soon I was pissing right there all over whoever's bed it was! And I pissed loads which must surely have badly soaked the mattress as well as the sheets and blankets. And it was actually good fun, just pissing on someone's bed without a care in the world.

The third and final piss was a living room job. They wanted me to stand up and pee this time, hands on hips and legs slightly parted, as I sprayed my piss all over the carpet. I was encouraged to sway my hips to spray as large an area as possible. And I was getting a buzz out of being such a dirty bitch and pissing all over someone's carpet. It was turning me on.

Well, after that they dropped me home with £600 in my pocket, and within a few days I'd bought a replacement car. So job done.

Never ever done anything like that for cash since then, and instead lead a thoroughly respectable life, married now with a couple of kids. My husband knows nothing about that pissing gig I got paid for. But though it's not my main thing, every now and again - when alone and in the right mood - I'll remember the fun I got out of just pissing on someone's table, bed, and carpet whilst being filmed. And just very occasionally since then, I've done some seriously naughty thing like piss on the kitchen floor on purpose, just for the sheer thrill of it.

In fact, I was feeling a bit horny, so just before writing this I went into our bathroom and squatted over the tiled floor right in front of the toilet, and peed a massive yellow puddle all over the floor. Then I just left it there before writing this, lol. Fuck knows what my husband would think if he walked in on me doing something like this. And the kids catching me barely bares thinking about. "Mummy, why are you doing a wee on the floor?"...is not the kind of question I ever want to be dealing with, lol.

Still, it is one of my occasional secret pleasures when alone sometimes. Now I feel horny as hell and must be off to sort myself out. And then clean up the mess on the bathroom floor, lol.

Karla

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Dear Wet Carpet

I have been reading your magazine a lot, lately. I have a secret vice, an interest in the idea of just peeing anywhere. I have long had secret fantasies about it. And reading your letters from various women who admit to pissing in the most outrageous places is always something I look forward to. I greatly admire their audacity and naughtiness. And I always secretly rather envied them.

You see, in reality I am a somewhat prim and proper - and highly respected - science teacher in the local comprehensive school. I am in my mid-40s already - my name is Denise - but still, I like to think, quite attractive. And considered as highly respectable. I think of myself in that light too. Peeing on carpets and floors and stuff is just not something I do. Fantasising about it is fine. Many a time in my fantasies, I've peed all over Brad Pitt's carpets or worse. But reality is rather different.

But I have just recently done some things which are wholly uncharacteristically naughty. I can't believe I did it. But I was alone in my classroom after the kids had gone home one evening, doing some last minute homework marking. And I needed to pee. And I suddenly had the thought of just peeing on the floor. Had stray thoughts like that before, of course, but this time I actually considered doing it, seriously considered it. And once I started thinking that way I started to get a real thrill out of the idea. I wondered about it for a while, but then I decided to actually do it.

So I wandered over to the corner of the classroom, and squatted there beside a desk, panties around my knees and back of my dress hiked to reveal my bare backside. And I started pissing there all over the classroom floor. And it was such a turn on. The sound of it splashing down, and the sight of that ever-growing yellow puddle was really doing it for me. I was getting a real twisted thrill out of just pissing there. It felt utterly exhilerating. By the time I finished, that puddle was huge.

I smirked at the sheer naughtiness of what I'd just done as I pulled up my panties and allowed my dress to fall back into place. I took a last look at that massive yellow puddle and grinned as I walked away, gathering my stuff before leaving the classroom.

In the days that followed, the headmaster let it be known that one of the students (yeah right, lol) had urinated on the floor in one of the classrooms, which the kids invariably thought was funny. There were many dire warnings. But of course, no one knew who it was and no one came forward with any information. And I was having the biggest laugh of all behind their backs, knowing that it was Mrs Respectable Me who'd actually deliberately pissed on the classroom floor, and not one of the students at all.

Well, this evening, just before leaving school, and with all the students already gone, I sneaked into the girls' toilets, hoisted my dress and pulled down my panties and squatted over the floor within feet of the toilets. And I peed everywhere, flooding the floor with more yellow piss, before leaving with a wicked grin on my face. I expect there'll be another public enquiry about that in school tomorrow, with more criticism of whichever "student" had done it. It's going to be quite funny in a naughty kind of way.

Denise

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Dear Wet Carpet

The letters in your magazine have been longer than they used to be in the beginning. Hope you don't mind a shorter one.

My name is Anita and I am in my early 50s, but have never really done anything very naughty before when it comes to peeing. But reading that letter from Denise the teacher, who only peed somewhere naughty for the first time in her 40s, made me realise that you are never too old. Well, I have often wanted to pee on someone's carpet buy never done it. But just now, whilst reading Denise's letter on my laptop as I lounged upon my living room sofa - and in need of a pee - on a whim I decided to just piss right there on the living room carpet! And I did it!

I stepped out of my jeans and panties and squatted in front of the sofa. And I just peed right there on the carpet! And I got such a buzz out of it too. It really is quite a kinky turn on to just piss right there on the carpet like that.

Will have to try and clean it up as best I can in a minute, but if hubby notices, I can always blame the dog.

Maybe I've just turned into a dirty bitch in my old age, but it was seriously good fun.

Anita

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Dear Wet Carpet

My name is Nikki. I am actually a policewoman aged 31. And I am relatively new to the naughty peeing scene. My interest was triggered a couple of years back after a raid on some guy's house, with loads of stuff carted away as potential evidence. This included several videos I got the job of looking through. One of them included a porn clip of this woman pissing on a carpet someplace. Much to my surprise, I found that seriously turning me on.

Since then, I have occasionally sought out erotica featuring girls and guys just pissing everywhere. I don't know why that floats my boat so much - and I feel like a bit of a freak sometimes - but I can occasionally get seriously off by thinking about it, or even imagining myself doing it. My husband is in the military and away for several months right now, so I could easily get away with being naughty at home without anyone knowing. But fantasy is one thing. Crossing the line and doing it for real is something else, and I have struggled with the incompatibility between being a respected police officer, and actually pissing somewhere other than the toilet in my own home. But today I finally crossed that line and it felt awesome.

I was alone in my police car. Normally, we are paired up, but I was not out on patrol, merely delivering some papers to the courts. Two officers on such a mundane task would have been an inexcusable waste of manpower. Anyway, I was driving back to the station needing a pee, and realised that it would only be a small detour to head home. And then I started to have erotic imaginings about peeing on floors and shit like that. And the idea of doing that whilst still in my police uniform, was suddenly arousing me to a so much higher level, because it was just so much more wrong. Well, I wrestled with my conscience - but this time, "bad" me won, lol.

So I ended up in my own living room, lowering my police issue trousers and panties, and squatting right there above the carpet. And then I was actually doing it, pissing right there on my own living room carpet. The hissing of my peeing, and the muffled sound of it splashing down was just so hot. This felt so wrong but so fucking massively sexy. The splashing sound grew louder and changed in tone as the carpet grew saturated. And I peed for ages, eventually making a massive puddle on the carpet. Then I pulled my police trousers back up and left, just leaving my piss puddle right there.

Just gotten home now - wearing civvies this time - and gazing at the still obvious massive puddle on the carpet as I type this. I could do with another pee as well. So I think I'll finish this letter and piss on the living room carpet again!

Nikki

.....simply should piss in the policecar on the carpet :-)

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Dear Wet Carpet

I have been reading your magazine a lot, lately. I have a secret vice, an interest in the idea of just peeing anywhere. I have long had secret fantasies about it. And reading your letters from various women who admit to pissing in the most outrageous places is always something I look forward to. I greatly admire their audacity and naughtiness. And I always secretly rather envied them.

You see, in reality I am a somewhat prim and proper - and highly respected - science teacher in the local comprehensive school. I am in my mid-40s already - my name is Denise - but still, I like to think, quite attractive. And considered as highly respectable. I think of myself in that light too. Peeing on carpets and floors and stuff is just not something I do. Fantasising about it is fine. Many a time in my fantasies, I've peed all over Brad Pitt's carpets or worse. But reality is rather different.

But I have just recently done some things which are wholly uncharacteristically naughty. I can't believe I did it. But I was alone in my classroom after the kids had gone home one evening, doing some last minute homework marking. And I needed to pee. And I suddenly had the thought of just peeing on the floor. Had stray thoughts like that before, of course, but this time I actually considered doing it, seriously considered it. And once I started thinking that way I started to get a real thrill out of the idea. I wondered about it for a while, but then I decided to actually do it.

So I wandered over to the corner of the classroom, and squatted there beside a desk, panties around my knees and back of my dress hiked to reveal my bare backside. And I started pissing there all over the classroom floor. And it was such a turn on. The sound of it splashing down, and the sight of that ever-growing yellow puddle was really doing it for me. I was getting a real twisted thrill out of just pissing there. It felt utterly exhilerating. By the time I finished, that puddle was huge.

I smirked at the sheer naughtiness of what I'd just done as I pulled up my panties and allowed my dress to fall back into place. I took a last look at that massive yellow puddle and grinned as I walked away, gathering my stuff before leaving the classroom.

In the days that followed, the headmaster let it be known that one of the students (yeah right, lol) had urinated on the floor in one of the classrooms, which the kids invariably thought was funny. There were many dire warnings. But of course, no one knew who it was and no one came forward with any information. And I was having the biggest laugh of all behind their backs, knowing that it was Mrs Respectable Me who'd actually deliberately pissed on the classroom floor, and not one of the students at all.

Well, this evening, just before leaving school, and with all the students already gone, I sneaked into the girls' toilets, hoisted my dress and pulled down my panties and squatted over the floor within feet of the toilets. And I peed everywhere, flooding the floor with more yellow piss, before leaving with a wicked grin on my face. I expect there'll be another public enquiry about that in school tomorrow, with more criticism of whichever "student" had done it. It's going to be quite funny in a naughty kind of way.

Denise

Ohh, that headmaster should NEVER EVER make such a declaration. Those are incidents that should be dealt with discreetly...

... because now he just planted the idea in the mind of ALL his students that one of them peed in a classroom and got away with it.

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Dear Wet Carpet

My name is Alissa, and I am a nurse in my mid 30s. With my medical background, I actually know that the pee of a healthy person is in no way dirty at all when still fresh, being largely sterile and germ free. I've been peed on by guys before in my private life, and even peed on guy's faces. Usually, for reasons of decorum, such activities have taken place in the bath or shower when they have happened.

But, since a very young age I have always had another secret pleasure. It has always been enjoyable to me in a very naughty kind of way to just pee somewhere other than the toilet even when I don't need to. I like to do things like squat in the middle of my kitchen and piss all over the floor. And there is something quite perversely naughty about deliberately pissing on the bathroom floor even though the toilet is right there. Been more averse to things like pissing on carpets or furniture. I don't really want my home stinking of stale pee, even though I love reading the letters in this magazine from other girls who really do piss all over the place. I admire and envy the audacity of some of them, pissing all over their own carpets and furniture and stuff. Would love to be able to do that and often fantasise about it.

My job can have many unpleasant aspects to it, but does have it's interesting moments. Very occasionally, I might have a male patient who for whatever reason - broken arms or whatever - cannot pee without assistance. In such instances I end up having to hold his penis whilst he pees into the glass receptacle I am also holding. If the guy is young and hot with a nice dick, I do actually secretly enjoy doing this and would love to see him go hard. Never really happened, though - until recently that is.

Had a patient who'd broken both arms in a motorcycle accident - a hunk of a guy in his mid-20s called Matt - and I had to hold his dick whilst he peed. And much to my delight he did indeed start to go hard, and was clearly a bit embarrassed. But I threw caution to the wind and rather unprofessionally confessed that I didn't mind at all and was enjoying this too. I said he had a great dick. Well, the ice was broken and we got talking about all sorts of stuff during his stay - and whenever I was on duty I made sure that I was the one who assisted him pee. We got talking about watersports, with me confessing how much fun it was to piss in guys' faces and getting pissed on by guys. And he admitted to similar things, and even confessed to drinking girls' pee before.

Well, cutting a long story short, I ended up one day closing the curtains around his bed, taking off my panties, and holding a glass between my legs as he watched me piss in it, almost filling it. Then I held the glass to his lips and got a real kick out of watching him drink down my own hot, fresh piss.

Well, there was no ice left to break after that, and I ended up telling him about my secret pleasure of pissing in inappropriate places, and it turned out that he too was a subscriber to this magazine and had similar interests. He'd peed on floors and things in his own home, and told me about pee forums full of members interested in such things, including women pissing all over hotel - and even their own - carpets. He got out his smartphone and showed me a clip of these two naked American women called MissPiss, aka Lizz, and Ashley Dobbs, both standing and pissing on Lizz's living room carpet! Was sexy as fuck, actually. Seems this was a custom video they made for some guy on a pee forum. And Lizz is one of several female members of that forum who sell clips of themselves pissing in very naughty locations to interested guys. I am hooked now. Don't know why I never looked for such forums before.

Anyway, Matt said he'd love to see a girl do stuff like that, and was planning to buy a new living room carpet anyway. And he decided that replacing all the furniture in the room would be a price well worth paying just to let a girl piss everywhere in there. And I really wanted to be that girl. And so we made plans to actually do it for real.

We exchanged numbers, and when he was home again and fully recovered, we met up for a few drinks - quite a few drinks - before heading off to his place. En route, I swallowed a diuretic pill. Basically, a pee pill which makes the body lose excess water by - you've proably guessed it - making you pee a lot. My medical knowledge meant that I knew exactly what pill to take and where to obtain it, though even for taking one pill from work for illicit purposes could have gotten me the sack if caught. Still, I very much wanted to have maximum fun pissing loads. And the thrill of anticipation as we stepped into his house, with me already in desperate need of a piss, was enormous. I was actually going to get the chance to piss all over some guy's carpets and furniture in his living room as he watched me. The very idea of it was turning me on in a big way.

At his suggestion, we both stripped naked. I'd of course seen his dick before, and he'd seen my own private parts, but we'd never seen each other totally naked until now. He looked sexy as hell, well toned and very well hung, lol. And although older than him, I must admit I look pretty good myself for a lady who has already long since left her 20s behind. Matt was suitably impressed anyway.

He then reminded me about the video clip of Lizz and Ashley standing naked and pissing on the carpet, and wanted to watch me do that too - right there all over his own living room carpet. So I stood there with my legs apart, and just started pissing, spraying my piss all over his plush carpet. And it was such a huge turn on that I seriously thought I might end up having an orgasm in mid-flow. Seeing and hearing my own piss splashing loudly down onto the carpet was perhaps the most erotic experience I had ever had. A part of me could barely believe I was actually doing this - just standing there in the middle of some guy's living room and pissing all over the carpet right in front of him. There was a fucking massive puddle slowly soaking into that carpet by the time I'd finished. Sexy as hell.

He then stood with his semi-erect dick in hand, a couple of feet away from the wall but facing it - and just started pissing against his living room wall right in front of me. I couldn't resist playing with myself as I watched him doing it.

After that, we started doing some more drinking: we intended to do a whole lot more pissing during the course of that afternoon and evening. And in the meantime, he got out his laptop and showed me more of his best pissing clips. There were quite a few featuring MissPiss, with her standing and pissing on hotel beds and hotel room carpets, and even against the hotel room wall. Never seen a woman pissing against a wall before, but she made it look so easy. And she may have been doing it for money, but she clearly loved doing it, which is what helped make it look so sexy. There was one clip where her friend was present again too, both of them seemingly having fun by pissing all over the place in some public toilets somewhere. Would love to go out partying with those women sometime, lol.

Matt had many other clips too, featuring other girls. One featured a girl called Sinna standing and pissing on her own couch. Others featured a girl known on the forum as WetFetishCat, pissing all over carpets in her own home. There was an obviously vintage clip of a blonde girl with 80s hairstyle, semi-squatting outside the bathroom door in this hotel room, and pissing on the carpet there with the permission of her boyfriend. Matt had a number of pay clips by a girl called Leah, featuring her pissing on carpets, beds, floors and furniture, often apparently in her own home. I found these women unbelievably sexy in what they were doing, and in consequence wondered if I was quite as straight as I'd always assumed I was. By the time I was shown this clip of Leah standing upon a coffee table in her living room and deliberately pissing on it, I myself badly needed to pee again, and used that clip as inspiration.

But rather than risk standing upon Matt's coffee table - wasn't sure if it would take my weight - I stood in front of it, facing it with my legs apart, and started spraying my piss all over it. Again I pissed loads, totally flooding almost the entire surface of it long before I was done. I just carrried right on pissing there as my pee flowed off both sides onto the carpet.

I was then invited to hold Matt's dick for him, aiming it around as he pissed all over his own sofa.

Then we continued with yet more drinking and viewing of pee porn featuring girls pissing in all sorts of unacceptable places. Squatting and pissing on carpets, spraying piss all over sofas, pissing on tables and beds. One clip - featuring a girl called TamTamSouth - showed her in a chair, pissing against her hotel room curtains with obvious pleasure. I am falling in love with these performers, lol.

And every now and again, Matt and I would enjoy another piss all around his living room. I got to stand and piss against his living room wall. It felt so empowering as a woman to do that. I also pissed on his armchairs, and on his carpet again. And I often held his dick as he peed all over the place too.

By the end of the day we'd totally ruined his living room, with piss everywhere, lol. And we ended up having sex on the piss-soaked living room carpet.

I aim to meet up with this guy again. Because that afternoon and evening was by far the most erotically arousing experience I have ever enjoyed.

Alissa

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Dear Wet Carpet

No way am I going to give any clue to my actual identity, beyond revealing that I am female. The reasons for my caution will become obvious.

You see, I used to be a highly respected MP belonging to a major political party, known for my charity work and my various campaigns, respected as a woman of decency and integrity. I have even held junior ministerial posts. I am only writing this now because it has been some years since I last sat in the House of Commons. But I still have a public profile in my current job. And that is all I am going to say in regards to who I am and what I do.

Of course, the fact that I obviously read this magazine also reveals the fact that I have a secret thing about peeing - and not in the toilet. I have long harboured secret fantasies about peeing all over someone's carpets and furniture and stuff, and envy some of the contributors to this magazine who regularly have fun with that. But I have never been in a position where I could risk exposure. So I have never really done anything like that, other than very occasionally when at home alone. On such occasions I've maybe peed on the bathroom and kitchen floors, but quickly cleaned it up afterwards.

But there was one very interesting incident a while back that I'd like to share. Most of the other MPs, even those from opposing parties, respected my integrity and respected me personally as a woman. But there were a few assholes around as well. One in particular - and he was even in the same party as me - was forever plotting and scheming against me due to political differences, whipping up all kinds of bullshit and discord. Briefings against me, distorted and barely true leakings to the press, all the usual predictable crap. I grew seriously tired of it all.

Anyway, one day I was in need of a pee and just on my way to see someone before heading off to the loos. I was walking right past his office, where I saw his door slightly ajar. This was unusual. The door was almost always closed whether he was in there or not. So I peeked in, and no one was around. No idea why the door had been left open - still don't know why to this day - but I had the naughtiest idea. And regular readers can probably guess where this is going.

Yes, I went in, closed the door, and strode the few paces to the middle of the room. There I hoisted my skirt, pulled my knickers aside, and squatted right there over the carpet. And I just peed, the hissing and splashing sounding really loud in that confined space - the office was quite small - and I feared discovery. Yet I found it so exhilarating and such a turn on to be just squatting right there and pissing on that asshole's carpet. Created a massive puddle too, and managed to exit unseen afterwards, thereby totally getting away with it. Heard a few things on the grapevine but no-one had a clue who could have done it. The thought that a thoroughly respectable (lol) lady MP might have done it never crossed anyone's mind. And not only did I enjoy it but the asshole deserved it.

I often recall that erotic moment - because although motivated partly by revenge it was highly enjoyable sexually - and would love to piss all over someone's carpet again. Or on their bed. Or their furniture. Right in front of them with their willing permission. But it can never happen. The danger of "kiss and tell" stories being sold to the press is just too great.

If ever it had come to light exactly what I did at the time, the headlines would have generated a stupendous scandal - "Lady MP and minister ( followed by my name) caught urinating on political rival's office carpet!" The media would have had a field day, and my public career would have been ended in shame.

But I will always have the pleasant memory of myself doing it, there to recall and enjoy during some of my more...er..."private" moments of pleasure.

Anonymous ex-MP

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