Society expectations for mens.

[willinglywet 236]

It have been while i last post here, so bare with me if i am going to too deep here🤣

I have contemplated quite a lot in these past few days and one thing what has catch my eyes is the expectations which seem society has for mens. Dont get me wrong here guys but its 2023 now and despite of that it still seems to be norm that men should be strong with physically but specially in mental too. It seems that men should be able to keep strong and not to show their emotions too much and be solid as a rock, men crying is still a little bit of taboo and looked as a sign of weakness.

I think many men can relate on these thoughts and i have my personal perspective it aswell, what is specially sad about this is the fact that there is a quite a few womens who thinks just that way too. Lot of empathy for womens too dont get me wrong but yeah. Once i was spending time outside with my friends and overheard some womens talking about how the other girls boyfriend had a rough time at his life and he apparently had been sad and had a few tears. These womens were talking and looked like they wasnt understand that men got feelings too and men are human beings. I think it was immature behaviour and shouldnt be expected from any sex.

But anyway just my few thoughts, deep or not. what you guys think about this?

[Bacardi 9,095]

I don't see why in 2023 people still think men cant/don't have feelings. How foolish is this sentiment? Men are people too. I definitely heard my dad say to my brother "stop crying. Men don't cry" growing up and it never ever sat right with me.

I raise my son differently. We practice (big emphasis on practice; we are still learning) gentle/conscious parenting in my house and he, just like the rest of my kids, is allowed to cry, talk about his feelings, how certain things make him feel, etc in a judgement free zone. Because I know firsthand that bottling up your emotions is not good for you or your mental health in the long run. If I'm doing something that upsets him he is allowed to tell me, and I am more than willing to hold, comfort, and kiss and hug him if he needs to cry and no one is gonna tell me it's not good for him.

This is why men (in my country at least) struggle so much with their mental health, and it makes me so sad. Depression is no joke and we already know that rates of suicide among are higher because of shit like this. We need to do better for the sake of all of us.

[gldenwetgoose 20,225]

I think there has in general been a huge shift towards publicising mens’ mental health issues.

Across society, I see groups on social media arranging men’s’ coffee morning type events, social groups focused on mens’ welfare. I see a vastly increased extent of media awareness and advertising for issues that can cause mental trauma amongst men - like PTSD awareness, testicular and prostate cancer.

What I sort of think is that this is occurring as part of ‘levelling up’, where a lot of traits experienced by both sexes are being balanced and eliminated.   It’s a slow and steady process, removing stereotypes around work and home roles, removing gender pay gaps, empowering women and opening awareness of both men’s and women’s issues.

Overall you could call that a culture change, but what you talk about here are individual people changing their ingrained values and hence the behaviours they demonstrate.

Sadly that doesn’t follow the same pace of change - women still get wolf whistles and sexist behaviours from some, and men still are expected to ‘man up’ by some.

Not everyone is open to accept and adopt changing cultures - depending on their own cultural background, their local environment and fitting in with their friends and families.

Typically the first reaction any of us have to change is to be fearful, to question and deny the need for change.

Every small step forwards helps though. Don’t be disheartened by those that can’t see past their fears - lead by example. 

[TMN_Femboi 743]

I have unfortunately experienced similar things, to such a degree that I don't feel comfortable talking to women about... anything relevant, really, anymore.

That includes my own family, the last time I have told my mother anything about what I think/feel has been at least 10 years ago. I'm just too tired to deal with all of that anymore and a significant portion of guys, be it on the internet or irl, has been more understanding, or even in the same spot.

 

[Sexismygod 1,762]

2 hours ago, gldenwetgoose said:

I think there has in general been a huge shift towards publicising mens’ mental health issues.

Across society, I see groups on social media arranging men’s’ coffee morning type events, social groups focused on mens’ welfare. I see a vastly increased extent of media awareness and advertising for issues that can cause mental trauma amongst men - like PTSD awareness, testicular and prostate cancer.

What I sort of think is that this is occurring as part of ‘levelling up’, where a lot of traits experienced by both sexes are being balanced and eliminated.   It’s a slow and steady process, removing stereotypes around work and home roles, removing gender pay gaps, empowering women and opening awareness of both men’s and women’s issues.

Overall you could call that a culture change, but what you talk about here are individual people changing their ingrained values and hence the behaviours they demonstrate.

Sadly that doesn’t follow the same pace of change - women still get wolf whistles and sexist behaviours from some, and men still are expected to ‘man up’ by some.

Not everyone is open to accept and adopt changing cultures - depending on their own cultural background, their local environment and fitting in with their friends and families.

Typically the first reaction any of us have to change is to be fearful, to question and deny the need for change.

Every small step forwards helps though. Don’t be disheartened by those that can’t see past their fears - lead by example. 

You make some good points, Goose, and I certainly hope we are "levelling up", as you put it.  I think the stereotypical stoic male figure is as mythical as the mother goddess female.  Everyone, male and female, has both traits (and all the other male/female stereotypes) in some unique combination. 

The sooner we realise that we're not "men" and "women", as if they were two different species, the better.  We're all just people, and people have strengths, weaknesses, good & bad sides, etc.  We've got to stop defining behaviour or thought patterns as masculine or feminine.  It's always been a false measure and just creates expectations that no one can achieve.

They say it takes 4 generations for a change to become part of the culture.  Sadly, racism, sexism, and a few other damaging mindsets seem to be taking a lot longer than that.  It doesn't help that some cultural stereotypes (present in all countries ... not talking about any specific society) are still preached in spite of the inherent contradiction.  For example, how can a woman be so sacred that she needs to be hidden/protected from the world but still be treated as the property of a man?  This contradictory position is found in most major religions and has always given me a headache.

In the end, it is up to the individual to choose how they express themselves.  Sadly, all too many people take the lazy path and just do what the people around them do.  Hell, some of them even use toilets every time they take a pee.  😞

Edited January 9, 2023 by Sexismygod

[Styx 21]

2 hours ago, TMN_Femboi said:

internet or irl, has been more understanding, or even in the same spot.

Indeed! The anonymity the Internet offers has been a big benefit to men, liberating, with mainstream groups emotionally mature threads instead of as emotionally stunted apes or Homers. Hopefully the momentum carries over to society at large to change norms that emotionally imprison men, and maybe moreso, what women expect from men.