Jump to content

Micheal’s Room

Recommended Posts

20 hours ago, AbbyPeePrincess said:

Would you guys like me to continue this?

I’d be up for continuing it, however im not for male urination. It’s a turn off for me. Also the guy calling himself a loser and stuff, to me is kinda depressing and also a turn off. 

Link to post

I'd love for you to write more of this, I love the tone of the story. If I had one piece of constructive criticism, I'd love if you described the pees a bit more instead of just where they peed and how long. For example;

Instead of saying; Finally, at last the party was ending as I see the Redhead beauty Madeline walking into my room, and she walks over next to my PC and begins peeing on my Pc “oh no my life is over” as I cry.

You could say; At last the party was drawing to a close. The redheaded, beauty, Madeline, entered my room. She looked around, before settling her eyes on my pc. She walked over to it and assumed a standing squat, her panties pulled to the side, and pierced pussy on display.

She closed her eyes in concentration for a moment before a thick stream of piss splattered out all over the floor and my PC. Madeline adjusted her aim to focus directly on my PC. Her piss worked its way into the depths of the computer, I heard sizzling coming from inside and I knew it was ruined forever. She didn't let up, she swiveled her hips from side to side to coat as much of my PC as possible, a sly smile emerging on her face. Piss pooled underneath the PC, slowly running across the floor.

I buried my head in my hands, "My life is over." I cried.

"Damn straight." said Madeline

Her stream had died to a trickle, but with a grunt of effort she was able to send one last spurt into the wreckage. She left without a backwards glance.

I think this gives you time to enjoy the peeing, but it's your story and the decision is up to you. Whatever happens in the next part I will be waiting with baited breathe.

  • Like 1
Link to post

Ok I will take everything to account what you guys said. This will be hard and grueling to write since I will challenge myself to write the best goddamn 4th part possible so it might take a couple of months I will be updating you guys 

Release date: Feb 1st 2023

I thank you all for reading this and giving me criticism I believe I have gotten better as a writer since my first story 

Edited by AbbyPeePrincess
  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...