How does one go about telling their significant other about their piss kink?

[bungholio69 273]

I don’t have a gf or anything but I wanted to ask you all about how you tell the person you really love in your life about your fetish, I know that there might be similar threads in regards to what I’m talking about but I wanted to post something anyways because why not. 

In the future if I do find a girlfriend and if I’m with her for like a year I might want to tell her about my piss kink while at the same time I don’t want to come off as a creepy degenerate to her whenever I explain to her why I get turned on by this sort of stuff. 
 

The one way I can see it work is that if they are comfortable enough to tell you about the stuff they find hot and turns them on and in return you would tell them about the piss kink and what not. 

[LovesToWet 3,400]

I wish I knew, I'd love to tell my wife but I know she wouldn't like it so I'm stuck

[Takashi96 846]

5 hours ago, bungholio69 said:

I don’t have a gf or anything but I wanted to ask you all about how you tell the person you really love in your life about your fetish, I know that there might be similar threads in regards to what I’m talking about but I wanted to post something anyways because why not. 

In the future if I do find a girlfriend and if I’m with her for like a year I might want to tell her about my piss kink while at the same time I don’t want to come off as a creepy degenerate to her whenever I explain to her why I get turned on by this sort of stuff. 
 

The one way I can see it work is that if they are comfortable enough to tell you about the stuff they find hot and turns them on and in return you would tell them about the piss kink and what not. 

Based on my own personal observation, there seems to be basically two kinds of sexual partners. Kinky ones and Vanilla ones. And kinkiness seems to be on a spectrum. Some kinky people are basically vanilla, except for one specific thing. Others are generally kinky with a few specific preferences, but basically, they're down to experiment. They want to know what your thing is because they want to please you. In turn, you will learn to do their thing to please them. If she's kinky, you'll probably find out early in the relationship. However, if she's vanilla, keep your fetish to yourself. There's no way to get her into it. And it's unlikely she'll ever view it as anything other than your disorder. 

Edited November 8, 2022 by Takashi96
Spacing.

[LovesToWet 3,400]

4 minutes ago, Takashi96 said:

Based on my own personal observation, there seems to be basically two kinds of sexual partners. Kinky and Vanilla. And kinkiness seems to be a on a spectrum. Some kinky people are basically vanilla, except for one specific thing. Others are just  generally kinky with a few specific preferences, but basically, they're down to experiment. And they want to know what your thing is. If she's kinky, you'll probably find out early in the relationship. If she's vanilla, keep your fetish to yourself. There's no way to get her into it. And it's unlikely she'll ever view it as anything other than your disorder. 

I agree with some bits of that, however, we probably all start out vanilla then we see/hear something that sparks the kink and then you're hook. It could be the same for our partners and they may find they enjoy a kink or 2 themselves once they experience that spark.. but how do you know? How do you say something without the fear of them not agreeing and they then think you're odd or disgusting 

[gldenwetgoose 20,208]

If anyone works out a magic formula then do let us know....   hypnotism maybe?    But being serious for once, I guess there may be three categories:

The term vanilla has been used to describe those who are set in their ways into a very simple pattern of 'plain' sex maybe having grown up in a strict religious background, or maybe profoundly nervous of anything that may hurt or be humiliating to them.  No comprehension that there are shades of grey, and fearing anything new maybe.  But then before we get to those already with kinks there may also be an interim category of those who up until now have been vanilla, but are trusting enough to be persuaded into experimenting a little.

I can think of at least two longstanding members here whose wives aren't into pee - but will indulge from time to time in what is 'just' a natural need.  And the emphasis is on the trust in the relationship, and gentleness.

Suddenly blurting out that you find a partner wetting themselves sexy, or that you want to drink their piss seems unlikely to end well.  But with a middle ground partner, there are perhaps ways to slowly and gradually introduce the topic.   Perhaps if they're visibly desperate, saying something like "this may not be the moment, but you're incredibly cute when you wiggle like that" or maybe a conversation exploring whether either of you have been caught peeing. Something along those lines anyway - to bring pee into prominence.

The likelihood is that if the partner finds pee gross they'll make it clear, but if they're open to it then you can lead the conversation gently forwards.  Maybe a 'what if' scenario...  stuck in traffic, would you...  sort of thing.   You don't have to reach a conclusion in one hit.  Instead if you've sown the seed of thought then one day you may be pleasantly surprised.

[Takashi96 846]

35 minutes ago, LovesToWet said:

I agree with some bits of that, however, we probably all start out vanilla then we see/hear something that sparks the kink and then you're hook. It could be the same for our partners and they may find they enjoy a kink or 2 themselves once they experience that spark.. but how do you know? How do you say something without the fear of them not agreeing and they then think you're odd or disgusting 

In my view that's a dormant kink that has yet to be uncovered. I believe women are more sexually adaptive than men. And they're definitely more fluid in their preferences. That's been fairly well documented in recent years. If a woman is kinky she will tell you, because she wants you to get her off. Unless she's one of those closet kink types. 

This fetish is tricky because even many openly kinky people find it disgusting. It's a gamble. 

[LovesToWet 3,400]

As usual @gldenwetgoose has some wise words on the subject but alas, my wife cannot even hear or see someone pretend peeing in a film, she cringes at the thought of it so I know now to try with her

Edited November 8, 2022 by LovesToWet
I can't spell

[bungholio69 273]

Thanks for replying and giving some insight on this topic to those in the thread. 
 

Hypothetically a way of how I see myself going about telling my girlfriend about my piss kink is that if she has stated that she peed outside on numerous occasions so in return I would tell her about my outdoor peeing moments and perhaps something will spin off from that conversation or like if she commonly uses the toilet to pee while I’m in the bathroom with her for whatever reason like brushing my teeth (or perhaps even using the toilet with the door open) I would maybe confess to her that I get turned on when she uses the toilet whenever I’m around her. 

[MonsterKane46 878]

honestly, you have to talk about sexual preferences and desires at some point when you start to look at moving a relationship into an intimate one. Everyone has different things they like. A lot of guys like blow jobs for example. I'm not one of them and most girls are surprised when I say "I'm happy to go down on you but I don't want your mouth anywhere near my penis". Some girls like doggy style. Others like vibrators. Some like both. I think honesty is key and being willing to have that discussion about likes and dislikes. Peeing isn't for everyone any more than bending her over the end of the bed and going hammers and tongs is.

[BB1BB 105]

I find an honest approach is always best. It's never made a girl run away, and even my vanilla girlfriends have been willing to try for me.

It seems less and less likely after 15 years of marriage, but I still cling onto hope that I will confess my kink to someone and she'll whisper back "Yeah. Me too."

 

[Bacardi 9,025]

I know this is different but I haven't told my husband of nearly 10 years and I don't ever plan on telling him. He might know (one time I slipped up and he might have seen peefans lol) but if he does he's never said anything. 

I've been shamed for the fetish before, and while I don't think my husband in particular would shame me for it I just can't bring myself to say anything. The trauma has done me in for good lol. 

Instead I find ways of enjoying the fetish by myself and sometimes with other people on here. Even if I had a partner into pee I still think I'd prefer solo stuff. That's just how I am. Introverted, stay to myself, stuff like that. 

[BB1BB 105]

10 minutes ago, Bacardi said:

I know this is different but I haven't told my husband of nearly 10 years and I don't ever plan on telling him. He might know (one time I slipped up and he might have seen peefans lol) but if he does he's never said anything. 

I've been shamed for the fetish before, and while I don't think my husband in particular would shame me for it I just can't bring myself to say anything. The trauma has done me in for good lol. 

Instead I find ways of enjoying the fetish by myself and sometimes with other people on here. Even if I had a partner into pee I still think I'd prefer solo stuff. That's just how I am. Introverted, stay to myself, stuff like that. 

I think it's appalling that you've been shamed by anyone. That is 100% their problem and not yours. What a horrible way to shake someone's confidence.

[fourluvclover 182]

My husband is very vanilla, but that's fine. I'm polyamorous, and I happened to find another partner almost 2 years ago who happens to be very kinky. We met through an online game just by pure coincidence and fell in love. We'd been RPing ships together, which included erotic RP, and through my own boldness of having a character with a serious piss kink (marking specifically), I found out they're into it as well. It was a fucking incredible discovery, especially considering the kinky fun we've had during the times I've gone to visit them.

[LovesToWet 3,400]

13 hours ago, Bacardi said:

I know this is different but I haven't told my husband of nearly 10 years and I don't ever plan on telling him. He might know (one time I slipped up and he might have seen peefans lol) but if he does he's never said anything. 

I've been shamed for the fetish before, and while I don't think my husband in particular would shame me for it I just can't bring myself to say anything. The trauma has done me in for good lol. 

Instead I find ways of enjoying the fetish by myself and sometimes with other people on here. Even if I had a partner into pee I still think I'd prefer solo stuff. That's just how I am. Introverted, stay to myself, stuff like that. 

I've been with my wife for 22 years and we've been married for 7 and I still can't bring myself to tell her as I don't want to be kink shamed. I don't think she would but I don't want to risk it so like you, I keep it to myself and here and that seems to be working for me

Edited November 9, 2022 by LovesToWet

[Kirby23 769]

On 11/8/2022 at 12:27 PM, BB1BB said:

I think it's appalling that you've been shamed by anyone. That is 100% their problem and not yours. What a horrible way to shake someone's confidence.

My wife (of nearly 15 years) has shamed me for it multiple times. Like for example, a few times I've asked to watch her pee (in the shower or whatever), she says stuff like "You're sick," or "You need professional help." So I just don't talk about pee-related topics much anymore.

By now she's accepted that it's just a part of who I am, so she doesn't say things like that anymore, but I know she's probably thinking it on the occasions when the topic arises.

[PissDude 469]

Very tricky subject. When I was on my honeymoon with my ex-wife, we were at the central facility of the resort. We were about to leave, and she had to relieve herself. She invited me into the ladies room. I should have gone with her, but it was a public place and I didn’t want to be walked in on. I confessed to her a week or so later. She seemed open to it, but then wasn’t. I reacted a little badly. A few times over the years, she did let me watch her, but it was rare and not quite what I wanted. I wanted to enjoy knowing she had to go for a little while, not just while we’re in the shower and she says “I’m peeing” and it was over before I had a chance to enjoy it. She held it against me in some ways over the years before the marriage fell apart. 
 

my new wife once commented on how she doesn’t understand guys who like to watch women pee. I gave her like an hour long discourse on the subject and she seemed to understand, but has no memory of it. I told her I won’t ask or expect, but won’t turn her down. 
 

So, I don’t have an answer. Like @Bacardi, I have to enjoy the moments I get on my own. 

[BB1BB 105]

11 hours ago, Kirby23 said:

My wife (of nearly 15 years) has shamed me for it multiple times. Like for example, a few times I've asked to watch her pee (in the shower or whatever), she says stuff like "You're sick," or "You need professional help." So I just don't talk about pee-related topics much anymore.

By now she's accepted that it's just a part of who I am, so she doesn't say things like that anymore, but I know she's probably thinking it on the occasions when the topic arises.

That's such a shame. I don't think I'd ever have married a woman who didn't understand the kink so you must have a real closeness otherwise.

But, then again, I did propose not long after my wife-to-be let me watch her peeing on the moors 😄

[stan4444 517]

On 11/9/2022 at 2:31 AM, bungholio69 said:

Thanks for replying and giving some insight on this topic to those in the thread. 
 

Hypothetically a way of how I see myself going about telling my girlfriend about my piss kink is that if she has stated that she peed outside on numerous occasions so in return I would tell her about my outdoor peeing moments and perhaps something will spin off from that conversation or like if she commonly uses the toilet to pee while I’m in the bathroom with her for whatever reason like brushing my teeth (or perhaps even using the toilet with the door open) I would maybe confess to her that I get turned on when she uses the toilet whenever I’m around her. 

Maybe while she is sitting there having her pee, lean over and give her a kiss, don't say or touch anything, do not push the subject. i f she does not mid, kiss her again next week when she is weeing, take it very slowly, you could be rewarded in the long run, i hope you are

[stan4444 517]

On 11/8/2022 at 1:47 PM, LovesToWet said:

I wish I knew, I'd love to tell my wife but I know she wouldn't like it so I'm stuck

I wish you well, maybe she has a more bizarre kink than you. Well I found out on the night of my new Girlfriends 19th birthday that she did. Hope it turns out well

[stan4444 517]

Reading the replies here I feel a bit blessed, there is a bit of how my interest started, and the girl in this story, I took out, we had been friends, but, well, she seemed to be a professional virgin, a few mates had been out with her, but nothing, zip, zero, but I liked her as a friend her story starts after the how my interest in wetting started.

 

My mate’s younger sister always seems to have wet pants, but they had a lot of kids so no one cared, but I always looked.

Primary school I walked home with the older girl who lived next door, part way walking through the park she would ask me if I wanted to do a wee, she always wanted me to take out my dick, then she said;  I need to do a wee, she would lift her school tunic and pee in her panties, almost every afternoon, I enjoyed watching but I never saw a thing, but she walked home in wet panties.

(So not wanting to get banned from this site) I will tell the expiated version:

New girlfriend of 6 months (we are still married), been parking and fooling around, have got her top off, lovely boobs, been kissing her nipples, my fly undone she has been playing with my dick, sort of kissed it but that was all, have lifted up her dress and kissed her tummy, had my hand on her bottom, but not pussy, she seems a fidgety and ill at ease.

 Raining like mad outside, we are in my old Land rover van, she says she really wants to go to the toilet. I tell her OK so will I.

 I pick up an old ice-cream container that had a few first aid supplies in it, toss them out, I ask should I go first, she nods, and says OK but be quick or I will poo in my pants.

 (OK odd turn of phrase) Flop out a half hard on, difficult but pee in the container, slide the window open and throw it out (a 4WD in the 70s, we are in the bush).

She looks like she is going to cry, I say what wrong, she says

 “I have never taken my clothes off in front of a boy before, no one has ever seen anything, ever, I have never done anything, ever”.        

 I give her the container and say “your turn to have a wee”.

She does a poo, and a bit of wee; she kind of shyly looks down and in a soft voice says to me,

“I have never had a serious boyfriend you are the first one that has seen anything, and I have never done this before in front of any one, always just by myself, it is the first time I have seen a boys thing, and doing a wee, I really liked to watch you, do you want to see me do this again?”

Short answer, I really, really, would like to see you do it again.

Our experiences can be found elsewhere, but we both found our kink that night

 

 

[Alpian 481]

@gldenwetgoose, @Takashi96, and @MonsterKane46 have written things I'd definitely take into account. but please:

Never, ever, wait a year!

Life is too precious to be wasted like that. Whenever and however we stumble into a relationship, we should build trust and clarity early on. Never do things you are not willing to commit to in the long run, never pretend to be who you are not. Try to understand your partner and listen. Be curious. Discover - each other and together. And pull out if things don't go well. Quickly. Before it really hurts.

Falling in love means our bodies are flush with hormones helping us adapt and ignore unconfortable truths. We must use this time to establish the foundation of true love built on trust and mutual respect and understanding.

Keep in mind: many things are possible, not all are worthwhile. Looking at love and interpersonal relationship like on other acquisitions in life has helped me understand that. Don't be blinded by romantic ideals fueled by stories and movies that end when life is at its best and before reality kicks in. An example: Imagine you would like to own a Ferrari. Most people can't even dream of affording one in their lifetime, but ten to twenty percent of the Western population probably could get a twenty year old version. But it would require significant compromise in the other aspects of their lives. So they go out and buy that Ford. And they will look closely at what they get. And they cherish the vehicle they bought. They are proud of the little extras they allowed themselves to splurge for. And in turn the car perfectly fulfills its intended function - fitting much better into their everyday lives than the Ferrari would have.

So don't think just because you don't have the perfect partner that you don't have a worthy partner. There is no such thing as a perfect partner - we just saw that Ferrari has significant drawbacks, too: expensive, not a lot of space, to few seats. Same goes for your partner in life: Look at the complete package, look at what you are able and willing to offer in return, and be sure giving and taking are balanced. Weighting the importance of pee in this mix is up to everyone's own ponderation of priorities. Do you want full-blown kinky piss play? Are you satisfied with a little trickle every once in a while as a special event? How about acceptance and open talk, the ability to express your feelings and discuss them with your partner? Some of us can even live with their partner not knowing or wanting to get involved at all, as we can read above. There are other aspects in their lives that make being with their partners worthwhile.

Just don't ever wait a year prior to telling your partner. A couple weeks, at most a few months should be enough to become well acquainted enough to have a general feeling for the level of open mindedness of your partner. And consequently, you should have found a way to introduce the subject of pee one way or other in this time and gauged the reaction to it. And you should be making your decisions: Can you go down the road exploring the kink, or do you need to keep it to yourself? But don't wait a year - in a year, habits are formed and expectations set. It is much harder to get out of the rut and change direction.

Sorry - this was not entirely on topic...

[Dr.P 1,454]

1 hour ago, Alpian said:

Never, ever, wait a year!

@Alpian, I very respectfully disagree, based on personal experiences, with several ladies, some of whom eventually became willing, and even enthusiastic partners, in long term, very satisfying, "wet" relationships. 

"Lisa" and I worked together, and soon became romantically involved. She was very enthusiastic about more or less vanilla sex, in various settings, cars, hotel rooms, etc. I talked around my kink, telling her how much just watching her pee would turn me on, etc., but she would not engage with me on the subject. We even took a two-day trip to a romantic city, and slept together in a hotel room, for two nights, without breaking the bathroom door barrier, after we had been dating for about 7 months. One night, after that, we made love, very enthusiastically, and she said she had to "go" afterward, when we were both nude. I begged her to leave the door open a crack, so I could listen to her peeing, promising that I wouldn't watch her. She agreed, very reluctantly, and hesitantly. I listened to her hiss and tinkle, and when it ended, I asked if I could come in and help her wipe. She said OK, and I entered, with a raging hard-on. When she saw that, her attitude changed, immediately. I helped her wipe, and we went back to bed for more sex. This time, she said she had to "go" again, pulled me into the bathroom, spread her legs wide, and let me watch. I asked her why it had taken her so long to allow this, and she told me she had always been taught that female excretion was a big turn-off to men. Then she told me a short story, which proved what she had been taught, in her mind. Immediately before she met me, she had been dating a guy, who happened to be a cop. One night, he was getting her off by hand, and she peed all over his hand, when she came. He reacted by washing his hands, taking a shower, walking out of the room, and never calling her again. She didn't want that to happen with us, since we had a good thing going on. From that time on, she peed for me in parked cars, outdoors, and other places for about three more years. Her crowning achievement was straddling my face in the back seat of her parked Cadillac, and peeing in my mouth. A more detailed description appears in one of my true stories about her, on Pee Fans.

"Michelle" was another g.f., who was totally into vanilla sex, but not into peeing, at all. We dated and had a full blown, but "dry" sexual relationship, for more than a year, when she decided to move to a location about 80 miles away, for complicated reasons, involving her adult son, who had drug problems. Neither of us wanted to break up, so we got together and talked about how we would manage our long distance relationship. I had hinted at my kink, previously, but now I revealed it, totally. She took it very well, saying that it would take some "getting used to," but it wasn't out of the question. We began our new relationship, and the sex was even better than before, because we had more privacy, but she still closed and locked the bathroom door, and ran tap water to cover her hiss and tinkle. Finally, one night, we were both nude, after sex, when she said she had to "go," and I asked her if I could come with. She said, "I don't know why it's such a big deal, for you. You've seen me naked for more than a year. I just sit down, and you can't see anything. But OK, you can come with me." She sat on the toilet with her thighs pressed tightly together, and began to hiss and tinkle. I knelt in front of her, and tried to get her to open her thighs. She resisted, so I gave up and just buried my face in her thighs. When she was done, she spread her legs and let me wipe her, very willingly. We continued that relationship for about 5 years. Them she broke up with me, and married somebody else. The marriage ended after three years, and we got back together. This time, she was very relaxed about my "bathroom privileges," and she peed with the legs open for me, for several more years. She viewed my kink with amused tolerance, saying, "Well, it doesn't do anything for me, but it sure turns you on!"

So I would have missed out on both of these "wet" relationships, which eventually became satisfying, if I had given up, after one year!

[rick777 185]

17 hours ago, stan4444 said:

Reading the replies here I feel a bit blessed, there is a bit of how my interest started, and the girl in this story, I took out, we had been friends, but, well, she seemed to be a professional virgin, a few mates had been out with her, but nothing, zip, zero, but I liked her as a friend her story starts after the how my interest in wetting started.

 

My mate’s younger sister always seems to have wet pants, but they had a lot of kids so no one cared, but I always looked.

Primary school I walked home with the older girl who lived next door, part way walking through the park she would ask me if I wanted to do a wee, she always wanted me to take out my dick, then she said;  I need to do a wee, she would lift her school tunic and pee in her panties, almost every afternoon, I enjoyed watching but I never saw a thing, but she walked home in wet panties.

(So not wanting to get banned from this site) I will tell the expiated version:

New girlfriend of 6 months (we are still married), been parking and fooling around, have got her top off, lovely boobs, been kissing her nipples, my fly undone she has been playing with my dick, sort of kissed it but that was all, have lifted up her dress and kissed her tummy, had my hand on her bottom, but not pussy, she seems a fidgety and ill at ease.

 Raining like mad outside, we are in my old Land rover van, she says she really wants to go to the toilet. I tell her OK so will I.

 I pick up an old ice-cream container that had a few first aid supplies in it, toss them out, I ask should I go first, she nods, and says OK but be quick or I will poo in my pants.

 (OK odd turn of phrase) Flop out a half hard on, difficult but pee in the container, slide the window open and throw it out (a 4WD in the 70s, we are in the bush).

She looks like she is going to cry, I say what wrong, she says

 “I have never taken my clothes off in front of a boy before, no one has ever seen anything, ever, I have never done anything, ever”.        

 I give her the container and say “your turn to have a wee”.

She does a poo, and a bit of wee; she kind of shyly looks down and in a soft voice says to me,

“I have never had a serious boyfriend you are the first one that has seen anything, and I have never done this before in front of any one, always just by myself, it is the first time I have seen a boys thing, and doing a wee, I really liked to watch you, do you want to see me do this again?”

Short answer, I really, really, would like to see you do it again.

Our experiences can be found elsewhere, but we both found our kink that night

 

 

Lucky man,

 mine was fairly straightforward

 

Carol wet her pants when she was sitting next to me when she was 10, another time we peed under the house together , but i turned a away and she had a floppy dress on so nothing much was seen. Fast forward 8 years I am seeing Carol for real and I mention about us peeing under the house and I didn’t see anything because of her floppy dress. She went a bit quiet and I thought I had gone too far, but.

Her answer was simple and straight forward

“Well how about this time you hold my dress up so you can see”

 

[wettingman 430]

I have some life experience here so I am going to use my experience to discuss the positive side , but also the pitfalls of revealing our fetish.

Through my life experiences, I suggest you reveal your kink cautiously. Most people view urination as a biologically necessary function, that is done in private. They would, as they were trained as a child, think holding your pee and wetting your pants or whatever turns you on as disgusting and weird.  Make sure your relationship is on solid ground a you totally trust this person. If you decide to tell them I would start cautiously, perhaps ask them to wait when they need to pee, or ask if you can watch/listen/ or help.  You could request they do the same for you. You could also suggest openly and honestly discussing what turns  you and them on, including any kinks or fetishes. It is crucial to be up front that there will be no judgement.   You should accept and indulge them in whatever kink they may enjoy .Hopefully they will accept and at least indulge you, if not admit they also enjoy pee play ( I wish I knew kind of thing), or at least come to do so.

 However, I would not keep it a secret forever. You may be missing out on a lifetime of shared fun. You might be tempted to seek the pleasure outside your relationship, which creates a whole new set of problems. The conversation could be very awkward and embarrassing but IF your relationship is solid you should be fine. Nothing ventured nothing gained. 

That said my experiences, I revealed my kink to two woman. My GF who became my wife ( now ex)  was accepting and indulged me with many stories of her desperation and pants wetting.  I came out to her by asking questions when I saw her struggling to  hold her pee.  She  accepted it and answered my questions, and told me stories about other accidents she had. She also occasionally held until she wet her pants for me as well as letting me watch her pee and play with her stream. She even wet her pants sitting on my lap my ultimate fantasy .

On the flip side I was  not at all subtle with a later GF . Without saying a word I held my pee before we took a shower. I jumped into the shower, still clothed and peed in my pants. She was shocked and disgusted. Although we stayed together she never accepted my fetish. A year or so later as our relationship deteriorated over unrelated matters, she threw it in my face that I liked to wet my pants and watch her pee. I can't say it would have worked out differently if I had not revealed my desire for pee play so impulsively and foolishly, but don't do that.

[Chrissy89 1,195]

I’m with @Bacardi on this! I don’t think I could tell my BF about my fetish. I’ve always been an introvert about it and tbh it suits me. I love my fetish and have many an enjoyable night sitting browsing and chatting to all the lovely people who have welcomed me to this site (you know who you all are)