The broken bathroom door

[The99Club 344]

There is a highway I sometimes drive on that is famous around here for its traffic but also does not have any formal rest stops. There is one gas station with crazy high prices for gasoline and snacks that has a single-use bathroom. It is not even so obvious it is there as the signs don't appear until there is less than a mile and it is on the lefthand side (America) so it can be accessed by cars going in both directions. The bathroom is reasonably clean for what it is and as you would expect there can be long lines to use it though my experience says there is no rhyme or reason for when there is a line and when there is not. But the really fascinating part about this particular bathroom in the broken doorknob.

The doorknob is not broken in the traditional sense that it can be opened (though at least three times I have seen women go in and not lock the door at all) but in that if you turn the lock one particular way and close the door, the lock remains locked and the door will not open. This creates an awkward scenario where people go inside expecting to be given a key only to be told there is no key and that if the door is locked it means someone is in there. Eventually an employee will unlock the door but depending on various factors it can be anywhere from immediately to several minutes before this happens. As this bathroom is in a high traffic area and frequented by "travelers" this has led to several interesting situations, some created by me locking the door myself and others created by the good graces of having it locked when I got there. Here are some of the best events from over the years.

Here is one:

The door was locked one night and a woman got out of her car and approached. She was fairly tall with short blonde hair and dressed nice in black slacks and a nice top. Finding the door locked she stood and waited patiently, showing no signs of being desperate. I got on line behind her, and then the ultimate situation developed. Another car pulled into the lot and a woman got out and frantically came toward the bathroom. This was a bigger woman and she was wearing overall shorts and a white shirt underneath. As she got close to the door she exclaimed, "Someone is in there?" The other woman and I nodded to confirm that yes, this was a line. It was clear she really needed to pee.

At this point I turned to the woman in front of me and said: "Do you also have to really pee badly?" She turned toward me and said flatly. "Yes," though she still showed no physical signs of anything. The desperate woman in behind went back to her car and returned and was clearly pondering next steps. I took one more try with the woman in front and asked her: "Do you really have to go bad enough that you might actually start to go in you pants."  She looked at me again, clearly pondering what to say, possibly like she was pondering the answer. She again said "Yes." It almost seemed like she hadn't thought about it until I asked.

Things then began to move quickly. The desperate woman who was behind me left the line and began to circle the building. As that happened a car pulled up and the lady in front who admitted she was close to wetting her pants slipped between the railings in the metal piped fence and got into her friend's car. Oh to know exactly what happened as the car drove out of the gas station and back onto the parkway. The good news was that it left me free to turn my attention to the other woman.

I began to walk around the building myself although it is not the best place to go if you are going to squat. It is also not a red flag for me to be heading that way, but as I went around she was not there. I made the full loop past the entrance to the shop and got back to the bathroom where I stood as it waiting. It was still locked. The woman showed up again and by now it was evident that she did not have long left. She asked me again if there was somebody inside and I said, "There must be. There isn't a key."

"Did the other lady go inside or did she leave?"

"She left," I said. "How bad do you have to pee?"

"Bad!" As she said this she put her hand in her crotch and crossed her legs frantically. "I'm about to pee on myself!"

With that she went back to her car and stood on the passenger side with both doors open. A female friend came over to stand guard in a sort of haphazard manner. I went to my car which was close to see what I could see which was not too much. I then went past my car to behind a small utility building as if I were also peeing. I had a very poor partial view of her squatting but could not see any stream. When she finished her friend stepped in between the doors and also peed. I walked back to my car to try and get a glimpse but again could not see all that much. Once in my car I continued on my way.

Few more to come from this bathroom.

[The99Club 344]

I'll throw up these few anecdotes all together as they are all somewhat short and not terribly exciting. Here goes...

-Arriving at the gas station I found a middle-aged woman approaching the bathroom. She was average height and build with shortish dark hair and was wearing white pants and a flowered top. I had no idea what the status of the bathroom was but I went to get in line and she found the door locked. As usual I took the opportunity to strike up a chat

"Someone's in there?" I began.

"Seems that way."

"Do you have to go really bad?"

"Not REALLY bad," she said. "But I definitely do have to go."

She was showing no signs of being desperate and I barely had to go myself. But whoever was in the bathroom was taking their sweet time--or maybe it was locked with no one in there--and so I kept pushing my luck.

"They're taking a long time," I said. "I hope you really don't have to go that bad."

"Well," she began. "Right at this moment I don't."

I found that interesting because it suggested that condition could change at any moment. She then offered to let me go ahead of her which I declined and said I was fine. Shortly after the door opened, she went it, and that was that. She was friendly again when she came out and after my turn I saw her in the passenger seat as she and I assume her husband and she gave me  a friendly wave as they drove away . It;s so fascinating how asking the simple questions can make you a friend--or can make you come off as a total freak.
***
Another time I stopped with a legitimate need to pee and found myself about 3-deep in line on a busy weekend afternoon. A woman in her 30s got behind me. She was wearing black jeans and a light tee shirt. There was nothing striking about her but an an older woman in line ahead of me started discussing the line and the woman behind me said, "I know, I drive this way almost every weekend and I have never had to go to the bathroom before. My husband was like 'really'? But I have to go."

The line slowly moved and the conversation continued even if not all about how bad everyone had to pee. But at one point the woman behind me did say, "We have some mason jars in the car. I was looking at those thinking that might have been a good option."

When I was next in line I took my opportunity to speak and started to ask the woman if she had already started to pee. She cut me off as if to say yes. I asked her to clarify and she got all shy and said it wasn't important. Next the door opened, I took my turn (and my time), came out, and she did the same.
***
Another time I was four-deep in line with a young couple ahead of me and a car pulled in and parked. Out walked a hispanic woman with medium auburn hair wearing a skirt, blouse and heels. She walked purposefully toward the line and stood behind me. She immediately began to tap her heels on the pavement. I was trying to gage if this was pee related or just general nervousness and trying to also make it seem like I was paying attention to the young couple chatting ahead of me. When the person ahead of them went in I turned back behind me and by now it was obvious this woman REALLY had to pee.

"You...," I said pausing intentionally, "don't look like you're going to make it."

This was a tactical mistake I will explain in a moment, but she said in a slight accent, "You're right, Can I jump you?" The question was aimed at everyone in line and the couple graciously let her go ahead so she was next. Moving toward the door she continued tapping her heel and shaking her leg frantically--and I do mean frantically--until the door opened and she rushed in. When she came out looking way more relaxed I asked if she made it to which she said, "I made it," and got back in her car and drove away.

Why was it a tactical mistake? By telling her she looked like she wouldn't make it, it opened up the discussion to everyone else and easily allowed her to get the others involved in the discussion. I essentially gave her the out to ask to move to the front of the line. A better approach would have been to ask a general question to start a chat like how long she had been in the car or where she was going. These are the things I ponder in this life!
***
Another time I was driving in from the side that requires me to pass the bathroom first. There was a lady standing there with her hand on the door bouncing frantically like she was literally about to go in her pants. A guy came over and as I drove by he opened the door for her, she went in and he held the door closed.  I was confused here because the door had been open and the lock always worked from the inside and there is even a bolt in there in the event the traditional lock breaks.

I parked and wandered over and the woman came out as I got there. It was dark and she had on jeans. A quick glance revealed no damage.  But as they went to their car, he went into his trunk and appeared to pull out a towel that she was going to sit on.