Jump to content

Liberation (02): Heidi is caught wetting


Recommended Posts

  • 2 weeks later...

Nice continuation of part one. Chris seems like a cool person and i wonder what Heidi will do now that she is no longer alone with her new "hobby". 
You asked for feedback: I found the introduction of the friend group a bit to long especially because they were of little importance to the story yet. I feel like i will have forgotten most of their description when they finally become important. I would either don't describe the less important characters in detail or i would describe them on the fly. For example: "Max tipped his straw sunhat to the girls as he left them to fire up the grill." It was just a bit much exposition at once. 

Im still a bit confused about Heidi. She is embarrassed wearing a dress/skirt but she wears no panties under her work shorts. Im really interested to learn more about her character. Oh and this story gives me real connewitz vibes (a city district of my home town Leipzig). 

Link to post

Hey @MaxWasTaken!

Thank you for the feedback! 🙂

you are probably right about the introduction of the characters. They will be more important in the future, i first thought they would have bigger roles in the second chapter and then they did´t and i did not shorten the description. I will definitly keep that in mind for the future, though.

I think Heidi is not embarassed about wearing dresses, she is simply not the most feminine woman. And the not wearing panties ... I don´t know 😄 when it is warm I mostly do not bother wearing them. It is not necessary a naughty/sexy thing but more about feeling less restricted and free.

I live in Germany but have never been to Leipzig so it is a funny coincidence 😄

  • Like 1
Link to post
Just now, Naughts said:

Hey @MaxWasTaken!

Thank you for the feedback! 🙂

you are probably right about the introduction of the characters. They will be more important in the future, i first thought they would have bigger roles in the second chapter and then they did´t and i did not shorten the description. I will definitly keep that in mind for the future, though.

I think Heidi is not embarassed about wearing dresses, she is simply not the most feminine woman. And the not wearing panties ... I don´t know 😄 when it is warm I mostly do not bother wearing them. It is not necessary a naughty/sexy thing but more about feeling less restricted and free.

I live in Germany but have never been to Leipzig so it is a funny coincidence 😄

So the author is showing through nice to know :P. 

The only thing that could have made the story more "connewitz"-like is if Heidi would run bare foot and they all would have to drink sternburg (for those who don't know its a cheap beer) during the whole encounter. 

I eagerly await part 3 😛

  • Like 1
Link to post
6 minutes ago, MaxWasTaken said:

So the author is showing through nice to know :P. 

The only thing that could have made the story more "connewitz"-like is if Heidi would run bare foot and they all would have to drink sternburg (for those who don't know its a cheap beer) during the whole encounter. 

I eagerly await part 3 😛

Yes, I think Heidi is a lot like me. She is not the same person but I think for my first story ever it might be easier to write from a point of view that is not completely foreign to me.

well... Max is barefoot and they all are a bit alternative I think. I will see. I do not really have the whole story mapped out and would like to see where it carries me as I write. We shall see if that is not a really bad idea 😄

I am on it, it will be a few days tough. I do not really have the privacy to write this right now

  • Like 1
Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...