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Did your parents encourage you to pee outside or forbid it?


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On 2/22/2022 at 12:13 AM, Havelock said:
So, as you can see I received quite confusingly different encouragement and discouragement that probably fostered my obsession for the subject. I’m sure I have more examples.  Was anyone else given mixed guidance about peeing outside? Or did anyone else experience different cultures of peeing?

Not as mixed as that, but I did find navigating the difference between my family (who were fairly open about nudity and left the bathroom door open) and other situations quite tricky.

Edited by oliver2
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At a young age of 5, my next door neighbors who had kids my age encouraged them to pee outside especially when we would swim. In their pool. However after my exposure to that, my parents scolded me the two times I got caught trying to pee outside. I was always soooo jealous of the neighbors and wanted to go outside when I played next door. I was constantly afraid of being caught though, parents seeing me since it was next door. I had fantasies about it and I am sure it is what drove my piss fetish to be what it is today. I loved trying to sneak a peek at the neighbors peeing outside when we played. Even the mom would pee outside by the pool in her bikini. 

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11 hours ago, Havelock said:

The other topic of convenience made me think of where my wife encourages peeing. She’s all about convenience for the kids and avoiding wet pants or accidents. If one of our daughters has to go she will hold them to go almost anywhere. It does not matter if its on the sidewalk in front of a store, in a parking lot or even a posh garage. She’s had them pee places I would not have thought. 

 

She also used Elimination Communication (EC) or diaper free method in brining them up that supports lots of outdoor potting and potting wherever needed. When my daughter was very young we were at a very posh beach club in the south of France and she practiced EC right next to our day beds in the sand. This was in the middle of people sipping Dom and Cristal.

 

Another time were leaving a friends very posh apartment building where the garage was drywalled, painted, polished floors and well lit. Attendants were running around cleaning and fetching cars. It was also full of Rolls, Bentleys, Ferraris etc. We got our own keys rather than valet since we had to strap the kids in the car seats etc. My daughter said she needed to pee as we were getting in the car. My wife took her in front of the car held her and make a puddle on the shiny floor that also splashed a bit on the wall. Another time we were leaving a fancy restaurant and she asked our daughter if she had to pee before getting in the car. She said yes, so she held her up near a wall making a stream down the wall.  Another time we were at a fancy playground with bathrooms 25ft away. My daughter said she needed to pee and my wife held her in a squat position near the edge of a sand pit and a bush. She was intending to have the stream go in the bush but it actually ended up in the sand pit and on the concrete divide. She said “oh well, she had to pee.” 

 

Other times she has encouraged friends kids to pee wherever. Once a friend was leaving our house and her young son held his crotch, ran over to a tree and started trying to pull down his pants pee. His mother scolded him saying "not here and he ran back over to us in the driveway.  My wife said “if you need to pee, get that pee out.” He started pulling his pants down again right in front of us. His mother called out is name in a scolding way but my wife said “oh that’s ok, if you have to pee, pee”. He then peed a puddle in the middle of the drive way right in front of all of us. She’s encouraged this among the mom groups in parking garages, parking lost, playgrounds, our yard etc..

 

For a while my younger daughter would only pee on her potty at home or outside. Thus, if we were out and about she would only pee outside. We were at my wife’s sisters house and my daughter had to pee. My wife said “come on” and they headed out to the yard. My wife’s sister commented “what is she, a dog?”

 

My wife is not at all into pee but I think some of her approach to the issue may come from the time she has spent in Asia where the norms around peeing are very different. But that’s a topic for another post.

Wow, she sounds like she doesn't care at all about making a mess anywhere. Most people would have at least some sense of decency and go in an out of the way corner or in some bushes.

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2 hours ago, Carb0nBased said:

Wow, she sounds like she doesn't care at all about making a mess anywhere. Most people would have at least some sense of decency and go in an out of the way corner or in some bushes.

Most of those sound like outdoor places or ones which are often washed and drained. You’ve got to give young kids some latitude, they’re not born potty-trained…

@Havelock What’s your wife’s opinion of peeing in the bathtub or swimming pool?

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@Carb0nBased I think she prioritizes efficiency, comfort and avoiding accidents over worrying about the mess. This is especially true if she's in private or around other parents that she assumes have the same attitude or are close friends. Most of the outdoor places I described are in an arid environment so they dry quickly. As for a garages, I have questioned this and she views cars as extremely dirty and dripping things even if they are meticulously detailed, so anywhere cars are is also dirty in her mind even if its a regularly cleaned environment with high end cars.  Additionally I don't think she views kids pee as that dirty. When they have accidents in the house on the tile or hardwood floor she will just wipe it up with a towel and not mop it with a liquid cleaner etc. I've asked her about it and she said its just baby/kid pee. "Its not like its old man or frat boy pee." I think this is an asian cultural attitude that kid pee is not really dirty and thus they are ok with kids peeing all over. I had previous girlfriend who grew up in China and taught me about this perspective with me.

 @oliver2 My wife does not like peeing in the bathtub. She always tells the kids they need to get out to pee. If they get out and are dripping wet she points them to the shower (we have a separate shower). She's fine with them peeing in the shower as long as they don't pee on her. She does not like me peeing in the shower if I am in there with her. I've caught her peeing in the shower a few times and she's gotten annoyed when I stuck my hand under the stream.

In terms of pools she is mixed. She reminds the kids to pee before the pool and if they need to pee while in the pool to get out. If its private she does not really care where outside they go (grass, bushes etc.). If its a public space (nice hotel pool etc.) she will feel the public pressure to make sure they are hidden or visit the bathroom. A couple of weeks ago we were at private swim lessons. The kids were changing after class and my younger daughter said she had to pee. We were between a changing cabana and a hedge. There was a porta potty about 15ft away. She hates porta potties and would usually have the kids pee outside vs. use a porta potty unless its a super public setting. She asked my daughter, "do you want to pee on the bush?" Before she could respond or make a move to help her (she usually would holder her up in a squat position), my daughter who was wrapped in a towel and naked from the waste down, peed standing a stream onto a black plastic box below and in front of the hedge. My wife said "or the mouse trap' rolling her eyes and acknowledging where she was already peeing instead of sending the stream into the bush. 

On the flip side of pool peeing I have witnessed my wife pee in a pool. She never pees in our pool or other friends private pools because she's very conscious of keeping them clean and minimizing the chemicals needed to keep the pool clean. However, when we were younger before getting married she peed in larger public pools a few times. We became scuba certified before our honeymoon and they used a large municipal pool for classes. Our scuba instructor told everyone that it was fine to pee in the pool instead of taking off all our gear and going to the toilet. After that she would pull me close or grab my hand and pull it to her crotch whenever she was peeing during the class. Another time we were at a big Las Vegas pool party, drinking in the pool. Several times she either grabbed my hand or pulled me close when she was peeing. In both cases I tried to return the favor and she would not act amused. 

 

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On 2/17/2021 at 11:01 PM, MC Cumzy said:

I remember when me and my brother were younger, we would sometimes have a little paddling pool in the back garden. Although our garden isn't exactly private, I remember that on more than one occasion we were told to just pee on the grass. We would've been either completely naked or in our underwear so that was probably why it was ok. (We were younger than 3 and 5 years old so it wasn't that big a deal at the time)

when i was young we had a pool from about 3-12 my parents always told us to go on the grass behind the pool 

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9 hours ago, lilyc_400 said:

when i was young we had a pool from about 3-12 my parents always told us to go on the grass behind the pool 

Same here. And when camping my parents told me to go in the woods behind the tent. They also did that themselves. 

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12 hours ago, lilyc_400 said:

when i was young we had a pool from about 3-12 my parents always told us to go on the grass behind the pool 

This wasn't like a "pool" pool it was a wee kiddie's thing that probably wasn't even 20 inches deep. I'll try and attach an image of something similar (although last time I tried something like that here it didn't work)

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On 3/14/2022 at 1:49 PM, weequeen said:

This topic reminds me of a family I saw once — it was night time and I was sitting inside the car while my friend went inside a store. A mother and two kids about pre-teen aged came up beside my car and squat in the grass area. The mom pulled her pants down and squat and started to pee. The boy kid started peeing standing up into the bush, and the girl kid squat like mother. They were in a hurry so they didn’t see me noticing them. After they were done they went back towards their car. My thought at the time was how lucky to have a family that is so open and free with public pissing!

@weequeen What country was this in?

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@beachmom I was thinking of your post. I think you've observed something interesting; that culture is relative and norms can be especially localized and changed by just a few people. This is possible because parenting is such a massive life change and parents are trying to understand the new norms of their life in dimensions they had never previously considered. It just takes one of two influential moms setting a norm to change a pocket of the culture.  I have seen this personally. We live in a large city and a particularly liberal area. My wife and a couple other mom's who come from international backgrounds have created a norm of acceptable public peeing that would be somewhat similar to parts of Europe. However, when we go 50 miles away to conservative suburbia, this is clearly not the norm. My wife gets snide comments from her conservative sister and funny looks form neighbors when the kids pee at a park in that neighborhood. 

How did the adoption of your norm go? Did you have to influence another mom to make peeing in public more accepted? Did you find another mom with a similar upbringing to yours?

Also, how was your upbringing as a girl in Romania? What parental guidance did you receive? or did you pick up peeing habits more from peers? 

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On 3/14/2022 at 4:49 PM, weequeen said:

This topic reminds me of a family I saw once — it was night time and I was sitting inside the car while my friend went inside a store. A mother and two kids about pre-teen aged came up beside my car and squat in the grass area. The mom pulled her pants down and squat and started to pee. The boy kid started peeing standing up into the bush, and the girl kid squat like mother. They were in a hurry so they didn’t see me noticing them. After they were done they went back towards their car. My thought at the time was how lucky to have a family that is so open and free with public pissing!

Maybe it's not the norm in America, but it's nice to know there are still plenty of people in the country who have a more relaxed attitude when nature pays a call.

Of course, so much depends on the context of the situation. Peeing in broad daylight along a busy street is likely to draw unfavorable attention, while most people would find it a lot more acceptable when on a secluded trail.

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On 3/13/2022 at 2:47 PM, Havelock said:

@Carb0nBased I think she prioritizes efficiency, comfort and avoiding accidents over worrying about the mess. This is especially true if she's in private or around other parents that she assumes have the same attitude or are close friends. Most of the outdoor places I described are in an arid environment so they dry quickly. As for a garages, I have questioned this and she views cars as extremely dirty and dripping things even if they are meticulously detailed, so anywhere cars are is also dirty in her mind even if its a regularly cleaned environment with high end cars.  Additionally I don't think she views kids pee as that dirty. When they have accidents in the house on the tile or hardwood floor she will just wipe it up with a towel and not mop it with a liquid cleaner etc. I've asked her about it and she said its just baby/kid pee. "Its not like its old man or frat boy pee." I think this is an asian cultural attitude that kid pee is not really dirty and thus they are ok with kids peeing all over. I had previous girlfriend who grew up in China and taught me about this perspective with me.

That's interesting about viewing even fancy cars as dirty, that definitely sounds like a cultural thing. Maybe it's the same in regards to the exterior walls of buildings, even if they are especially fancy buildings or contain a very upscale business. I could totally see wiping pee off interior surfaces in one's own home (easily cleaned surfaces, not absorbent ones like a rug or upholstery) without making a fuss, especially if the pee is rather dilute. It's sterile and only really gets unsanitary when it sits for a while. I could see that "frat boy pee", and pee left in downtown alleys at night, would be viewed as less sanitary due to all the alcohol, whether or not that really makes much of a difference in the chemical composition.

Attitudes about letting kids pee when there are other people around must be a cultural thing too.

On 3/13/2022 at 2:47 PM, Havelock said:

 @oliver2 My wife does not like peeing in the bathtub. She always tells the kids they need to get out to pee. If they get out and are dripping wet she points them to the shower (we have a separate shower). She's fine with them peeing in the shower as long as they don't pee on her. She does not like me peeing in the shower if I am in there with her. I've caught her peeing in the shower a few times and she's gotten annoyed when I stuck my hand under the stream.

 

That's interesting, that she pees in the shower herself yet doesn't like when you do it. Even more so that she is annoyed when you put your hand in the stream, when it seems that not wanting you to feel her stream is not a general issue of hers (given that she encourages you to put your hand in when she pees in other water). Maybe she's on some level aware of the hypocrisy of it all and if she thinks you aren't paying attention that lets her not feel as guilty about it.

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Encourage is a strong word. I was very bladder-shy as a child, so I would rarely speak up that I had to go until it was approaching critical mass, but I was also not very good with peeing around other people and would freeze up. There were a few times when driving— usually in Jamaica— that the “rest stop” was basically at the side of the road, and I couldn’t do it until I was practically about to burst. I felt like everyone else was disappointed in me for not being able to be “normal.”

Did I mention that I’m, in all likelihood, autistic and that was widely considered a “White Children Thing” back when I was growing up? Because that probably added to the whole… thing.

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On 3/16/2022 at 2:17 AM, Havelock said:

@beachmom I was thinking of your post. I think you've observed something interesting; that culture is relative and norms can be especially localized and changed by just a few people. This is possible because parenting is such a massive life change and parents are trying to understand the new norms of their life in dimensions they had never previously considered. It just takes one of two influential moms setting a norm to change a pocket of the culture.  I have seen this personally. We live in a large city and a particularly liberal area. My wife and a couple other mom's who come from international backgrounds have created a norm of acceptable public peeing that would be somewhat similar to parts of Europe. However, when we go 50 miles away to conservative suburbia, this is clearly not the norm. My wife gets snide comments from her conservative sister and funny looks form neighbors when the kids pee at a park in that neighborhood. 

How did the adoption of your norm go? Did you have to influence another mom to make peeing in public more accepted? Did you find another mom with a similar upbringing to yours?

Also, how was your upbringing as a girl in Romania? What parental guidance did you receive? or did you pick up peeing habits more from peers? 

I do think that attitudes change from place to place, but also seem to differ in different age groups as well. While I didn't grow up here in the states, I notice that the older moms and grandmothers tend to be much less uptight about particularly boys peeing outdoors than many younger moms. I suppose that I was just fortunate that so many of the moms I was close to grew up in families where the boys frequently peed outside and they themselves didn't see a problem with boys doing so, their only hesitation was that they never saw other boys doing so. Once they noticed our boys doing so, they were happy to encourage their boys as well.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Wasn't really discussed in my house growing up, to br honest. 

We weren't very outdoorsy, so there was no camping or anything like that. I'm sure if we camped, it would be encouraged to go outside... I mean... what else are you going to do? metabolize or absorb it? 😛

 

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Good question - my parents raised me to be very very proper. This is one of the reasons I enjoy making messy pees in public bathrooms (especially back at my private high school) cause it’s a freeing and slightly rebellious activity. So the answer is no - only the bathroom. 
 

I’m also from an urban area and me and my parents/friends mostly vacation to other Urban areas. my friend (Maddie) and her mother actually pee in cups during their car trips - I have an interesting story on this if any of you would like to hear it. 

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5 hours ago, WinterAzalea said:

My mom encouraged me to pee outside a lot. I was too shy to do it then, but she worked outdoors in construction so it was a common, casual thing for her. I remember going to a fair with her when I was in high school and she told me we should just pee in the parking lot because the portapotties would be crowded. I didn’t pee, but my mom did, right next to our car in the crowded lot. I was shocked! She encouraged me to piss, but I was really shy back then!

These early experiences have profound and long lasting influences don't they?!

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3 hours ago, KylieRobidoux said:

 

I’m also from an urban area and me and my parents/friends mostly vacation to other Urban areas. my friend (Maddie) and her mother actually pee in cups during their car trips - I have an interesting story on this if any of you would like to hear it. 

Yes please 🙂

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Growing up in NYC, there’s not many places you can discreetly pee, so when you’re desperate and there’s no bathroom, well, sucks to be you. So it wasn’t really encouraged, but I was definitely reminded that it was a last minute option if absolutely needed. My mother was a bit more understanding since she too had a not so great bladder. 

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