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Let's be constructive here....    That story had some great elements - I loved the idea of running out of the house without peeing, then finding out there weren't toilets at the camp. And the idea of the girls all peeing together, especially standing is heaven.

If you did break it into two or three paragraphs it would be a little easier to read.  Also, when it's in one like that there is the tendency to think it's too long and start cutting short. If it was broken up a little, perhaps there's the opportunity to then add it a little more detail which will build it overall into an absolute epic.

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On 12/28/2020 at 7:06 AM, WWE pee said:

Thank you I am sorry I am not very detailed into my writing as I have not really sat down and written a full book all at once but I will put multiple paragraphs next time thank you!

Don't worry, we all have to start somewhere.

Personally I recommend reading @lesley's stories, with a specific focus on the pee scenes. They always mesmerized me, and I studied them to improve my own writing, realizing that she was alternating between rich physical descriptions and state-of-mind/reactions giving real depth to the scene.

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