Jump to content

AirBnB pee vandalism fun


Recommended Posts

You've got potential, but you're  grammatically inconsistent with repeated switching between third person and first person along with Julia being named, but the man isn't. 

You could also stand to use paragraphs, as the way I'm seeing it on my phone it's just a long block of text. Which brings me on to the most important point, timing. It feels incredibly rushed, both in writing and in plot, as if the characters spent less time in the house than I did writing this comment, you introduced a living room, kitchen and two bedrooms upstairs, yet the bedrooms were never explored. And what was the purpose of taking the food? Eating it? Stealing it? Using it in further vandalism? 

Like I said at the beginning, you've got potential, but you need to take things slower. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
  • 1 month later...

Please don't be put off by any negative comments as I'm guessing any grammatical errors are possibly caused by your excitement while writing this story. The same with lack of paragraphs too I'm guessing. It's so easy, when excited, to just let the words tumble out! 

Pee vandalism is a huge turn on for me so I hope you'll continue to write stories here.

  • Like 1
  • Agree 3
Link to post
On 8/31/2020 at 2:25 AM, Maggie_555 said:

Please don't be put off by any negative comments as I'm guessing any grammatical errors are possibly caused by your excitement while writing this story. The same with lack of paragraphs too I'm guessing. It's so easy, when excited, to just let the words tumble out! 

Pee vandalism is a huge turn on for me so I hope you'll continue to write stories here.

Thanks for your support! I’m new to writing so I’ll definitely work more on my grammar in future stories. I love piss vandalism too and it’s so hot you’re into pissing in pools! I once went into a crowded hot tub and pissed with people right next to me it felt so naughty 

  • Like 1
  • Hot 1
Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...