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Riley,
Great start on writing fiction! Congratulations! The situation is totally believable, and the dialog is engaging, and very real. I love the cliffhanger ending, too. It fills me with anticipation of what may happen in a sequel, and makes me want to read it, which is exactly what a good ending should do. No need to apologize for that, at all. I think that many readers will be looking forward to a sequel. I am one of them. Congratulations again, Riley. A great start!

xx,
Dr.P

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9 minutes ago, Dr.P said:

Raven,
Great start on writing fiction! Congratulations! The situation is totally believable, and the dialog is engaging, and very real. I love the cliffhanger ending, too. It fills me with anticipation of what may happen in a sequel, and makes me want to read it, which is exactly what a good ending should do. No need to apologize for that, at all. I think that many readers will be looking forward to a sequel. I am one of them. Congratulations again, Raven. A great start!

xx,
Dr.P

Thank you so much!!! That means the world to me 🙂 

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Love, love, love this Raven!  You have a talent for writing. Please, please keep at it. Obviously being selfish mostly here 😀

Emily & Emma!! Love this! Great start and love the cliffhanger. What is the title if this one going to be? 

Plenty of scope for future adventures and back story.

THIS:  

At one point we both didn't really know what to say and I awkwardly brushed my hair behind my face and we both started laughing for no reason and then met eyes and just made a connection. 

Wow! This is talent. Love how you are capturing the initial thrill.

And this is so erotic, MMM!!! 

felt my bladder just give out and a hissing noise erupted from inside my jeans and my wet spot started rapidly growing. 

"I can't stop it!" I said quite panicked

OK. I’m hard so that box is ticked too! 

Please, please, please  keep up your writing 😀

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@Riley, You definitely have a way with words and can set up good imagery, leading the reader to imagine the scene and you moved the story along at a good pace, giving just enough detail.   An excellent start to fiction - you certainly should write more.  I enjoyed reading it.

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