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Blackinksoul30

I am taking a break from Peefans.

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This is hard for me to write because I know people will read this and get frustrated with me like so many  members have with me in the past. 

Let me start off by saying the Admins here are wonderful. Any problem I’ve had they’ve been quick to reply and help with any issue I’ve had. They are incredibly kind. The admins are really doing everything the can to make this the best site for pee interests.

That being said though after being on peefans since last May I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to take a break from peefans. I think peefans is great if you’re posting photos/videos and/or looking for advice about certain niched pee related interests. But if someone is not really currently actively participating in watersports then there’s not much that one can contribute here other than bringing up the same things that they ‘used’ to do or ‘wished’ they could do.

I joined peefans after I left peesearch because I discovered that that website was a ghost town and no one was really communicating privately on there anymore. People really weren’t using their chat. I came here and was really looking forward to getting to know people and making friends. The chat here I think is wonderful if you’re on at the right time. Maybe it’s my time zone I’m in but the majority of times I’m in the chat room there’s maybe one or two people really using it and I scroll up and see a big conversation that had happened prior to me being on. People only seem to be on the chat for a few moments and then they leave. Which I admit I do the same thing. Other times I’ve posted in the chat, I don’t get a response until hours later after that person that responded is no longer here. Really getting to know people in the chat is rather difficult, since me and others are only on short amounts of time. It looks like the majority of people on this site are here to share their experiences and they have plans for more experiences. Which is fine, that is the purpose of this site. But to get to know people through private message, generally seems frowned upon here and really searching for friendship through this site I get the sense that that will be annoying and come across as spam and really not allowed here.

But I’m kind of in a different situation. I don’t think people here are really looking for close friendships. I get a sense that people aren’t on here to really get to know one another. I think if my situation was different, If I didn’t want friendship and If I actively regularly could participate in watersports, maybe then I’d feel like I had more to contribute. But my lack of sex/intimate life and lack of watersports activities makes me feel like I don’t really belong here. I have expressed my desire to find friends and make social connections here but generally when I express that, I get a very general response from people that they’re not really on this site for that purpose and that I shouldn’t be either. I don’t want to go to a pee dating site, I’m not looking for a ‘boyfriend’. This was a safe place for me. I get a sense that some here are generally frustrated with me when I post. I apologize that I frustrated people here due to the fact that I’m looking for friends. I’m sorry if I seem stubborn or easily discouraged or regularly sad. I’m actually not regularly sad. It’s just when I come here, I feel like I hit roadblocks as I try to seek what I’m looking for.

I also feel like since I’ve joined peefans when I have posted things I’ve done or things I’m into related to pee, the majority of those things were either frowned upon or I received negative feedback. (sounding, catheter interest, wetting a bed, peeing on a pad or in a diaper, peeing into cups, bladder holding). The majority of times I posted about these interests, some members were quick to try to discourage me to not do these interests due to safety issues and the feedback was generally negative. Even some of the ‘peeing into cups’ posts I made got negative feedback. Which as time passed, I became more and more regretful after each ‘interest’ post I’d make or question I’d make about these interests. I know kink shamming is not allowed here but I really do feel like the site really has an underlying problem with kink shamming still. When someone feels brave enough to express a sexual desire, the last thing they’d want to encounter is a scare tactic or encouragement not to have an interest in it. The website seems more and more niched into peeing into toilets or panty wetting which is great don’t get me wrong but anything other than that, is seen as out of the ordinary or wrong.

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5 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

I also feel like since I’ve joined peefans when I have posted things I’ve done or things I’m into related to pee, the majority of those things were either frowned upon or I received negative feedback. (sounding, catheter interest, wetting a bed, peeing on a pad or in a diaper, peeing into cups, bladder holding). The majority of times I posted about these interests, some members were quick to try to discourage me to not do these interests due to safety issues and the feedback was generally negative. Even some of the ‘peeing into cups’ posts I made got negative feedback. Which as time passed, I became more and more regretful after each ‘interest’ post I’d make or question I’d make about these interests. I know kink shamming is not allowed here but I really do feel like the site really has an underlying problem with kink shamming still. When someone feels brave enough to express a sexual desire, the last thing they’d want to encounter is a scare tactic or encouragement not to have an interest in it. The website seems more and more niched into peeing into toilets or panty wetting which is great don’t get me wrong but anything other than that, is seen as out of the ordinary or wrong.

It is against our rules for members to go around making each other feel bad about their interests. If this happens - because this is a big one for me having myself in the past been put off Peesearch because of this kind of thing - I'd have liked for you to have told me with quotes and links to the offending posts. I lobbied for that particular rule because I know how damaging negative judgementalism can be. So I feel strongly against it. Neither @Admin nor I - or the other mods - approve of anyone being criticised or made to feel bad for their interests, because that is counter-productive to us being a warm and friendly and inviting forum for all.

6 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

I apologize that I frustrated people here due to the fact that I’m looking for friends.

Am certain the vast majority of us do not feel that way and if anyone does, they're an arse. You have nothing to apologise for.

7 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to take a break from peefans

I am sorry to hear that.

But if it is something you need to do, ok.

But I hope it is not permanent, though take as long as you need.

Feel free to return at any time, you'll be welcome. 

Hope to see you again.

Hope it's sooner rather than later.

 

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Whilst I would of course love you to stay, I will not try to change your mind if you have made a decision that you think is best for you. But a few points come to mind from your post...

 

43 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

But if someone is not really currently actively participating in watersports then there’s not much that one can contribute here other than bringing up the same things that they ‘used’ to do or ‘wished’ they could do.

I really don't think active watersports participation is needed at all to still enjoy discussing the topics, sharing in other people's experiences, or even creating fantasy stories and roleplays etc. Talking about real experiences is (literally) just one small section of the site. Many people are in the same boat as you.

43 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

But to get to know people through private message, generally seems frowned upon here and really searching for friendship through this site I get the sense that that will be annoying and come across as spam and really not allowed here.

It is genuinely not frowned upon. If someone isn't replying to your PM's then perhaps they don't want that, but I assure you it is very much allowed and encouraged, and that the vast majority of people would be very happy to chat via PMs. 

However, this is an adult site of course, so I'll admit purely discussing non-pee/sex related topics isn't why people come here - that doesn't mean it doesn't happen though. It's just finding the right people who share similar interests, which usually means reaching out to more people and finding out about them. A lot of people don't post much on the forum but would be happy to privately chat I'm sure. There will undoubtedly be people who want to reveal as little as possible about their real selves for privacy reasons, but out of 20,000+ people there are a wide variety of reasons why people use this site. 

43 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

This was a safe place for me. I get a sense that some here are generally frustrated with me when I post. I apologize that I frustrated people here due to the fact that I’m looking for friends.

I have honestly never got this sense, and fear you may be reading too much into it. Nobody has ever complained about your posts to staff. You have nothing to apologize for. People may have told you that you need to take the initiative to start the friendships, but I don't think anyone was ever frustrated by you wanting to get to know them.  

43 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

I also feel like since I’ve joined peefans when I have posted things I’ve done or things I’m into related to pee, the majority of those things were either frowned upon or I received negative feedback.

This is most troubling of all for me. Like @steve25805 said this is something we're very clear on in the rules, so I'm really sorry you experienced this. Do you have a link to the thread in question? I understand people may have thought they were trying to 'help' you by warning you etc, but this is not what the forum is about and had a moderator seen this the posts would have been deleted and the members warned. I really hope you don't let a few comments by others put you off though - for every one person who complained there were likely many who read it and enjoyed what you shared. Unfortunately in life often the people with the negative views shout the loudest. 

43 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

The website seems more and more niched into peeing into toilets or panty wetting

I am surprised by this. I'll admit I don't get chance to browse the pee sections that often these days, but in my mind this site has always been predominantly naughty peeing and public/outdoor type stuff, with extra niches thrown in here and there. 

Either way, it's all welcome.

 

 

I would like for you to give posting another chance, and continue to reach out to new people (although friendships tend to happen spontaneously, the more people you talk to the more likely). But if you really aren't having the experience you want here, I understand. But you will be missed. 

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Wettingmans comment at the bottom. 

Sathutas comment. 

 

I'd really appreciate if people wouldn't say, 'That's dangerous.' 'try something else instead' 'that would be painful'. That is trying to deter me from having an interest in it or trying it. It's not helpful and really comes across as shamming. 

I also reported another comment from my 'pee in a cup' post... that my wetness looked like something that a guy would cum. 

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@Blackinksoul30, I have read the posts concerned. I don't think either comment was intended as deliberate criticism designed to make you feel bad, though have edited out the bit about it being dangerous. Clearly they have had that effect though.

Because these posts are seven months old and I think no malice was intended, it is a little too late to do more now. The best course of action would have been for you to raise it privately with a mod at the time and a quiet word - and if necessary a public statement - could have been made.

I really don't think either person sought to offend you and merely did not think through how their comments might be interpreted. And in fact you even "liked" one of Sathuta's comments

I feel under the circumstances it would be an abuse of my powers now after all this time to start getting heavy handed. I don't think either meant any harm. What I will say is if going forwards anyone posts something that makes you feel uncomfortable, say something publicly because they may not realise, and simultaneously report it to a mod so that we can speak to the person. We cannot be overly censorious though when no harm was likely intended and no attempt at a deliberate rule break was made. 

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23 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

I also reported another comment from my 'pee in a cup' post... that my wetness looked like something that a guy would cum.

I deleted that particular comment but in hindsight think you might sometimes be reading too much into it. I cannot go around deleting other people's posts on demand.

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@Blackinksoul30

I am quite proud to state I had been one of the person that first noticed you, and I still have tons of cuddles about you in the forum because I really thought of you what I wrote, that you got a soul as strong as an armored tank

 

But there is one thing that I told you many months ago, I think in PM, and you did not followed my advice:

 

 

You lose confidence easily

Your complainings are understandable but there is in them a nuance of desperation, and I do not mean desperation that comes from the sadness you told us about

Desperation that comes from a helplessness of character

Like you was sad and afraid from the start, and entrusted us with the duty to make you feel less lonely

 

 

We ADORE not-anonymous users like you but there is a philosophical mistake in this attitude: the world is not there to comfort us, it just gives us chances to CREATE friendships, and to do that… it needs SERENITY AND SELF-CONFIDENCE

 

 

There is NOTHING wrong in you, and believe me we all respect you

But you are anxious and this leads you to see things in a harsher way than they really are

Yes, your main interests are very peculiar and doesn't interest the vast majority of us

 

 

But this shouldn't prevent people to talk with you

But as long as you will be that worried, you'll fail to grasp that it simply needs TIME

 

Try a different approach

Be less "I need somebody to feel less lonely" and more "I need somebody to chat with"

 

They are not one and the same!!! Be more serene and self-confident

 

We love you, and we respect you, you know we are impressed by your emotional strenght

Don't go!!!

 

 

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It is always sad to see a contributing member feel that they need to withdraw from contributing.   If you are still around to read responses on this thread @Blackinksoul30, then I would say that you have made plenty of valuable contributions.  You only need to look at your reputation +586 from 385 posts means that you are averaging positive reputation with at least 1.5 likes per post or equivalent.   That is great as it shows that people are appreciating your input.

In any site/community/club/workplace/group/family/whatever, there will always be people with different viewpoints.  That's what makes us individuals.   The general atmosphere on this site is very positive but each of us will have certain interests that are shared with some people and not particularly engaged in by others.   I think you have posted some good stuff and my personal attitude is that if people like my posts great, but I know some people won't and that is their perogative.

Whichever way you look at it - there are many many visitors to this site and even members of this site who don't ever contribute anything.   Those people want to read about our experiences, but don't ever want to share their own.  You have given the site way more than any of those people and have been a valuable contributor.

BTW - I am not good at initiating friendships as possibly like yourself I feel that I'm intruding if I send someone a message out of the blue - but I'm more than happy to communicate directly with members who send me PMs and explore things that I might not necessarily communicate to everyone on a site wide basis.

I hope that you either decide to stay, or if you have made your choice and definitely want to have a break then I wish you all the best.  I am pleased that you termed it as "taking a break" rather than "leaving" as hopefully this means that you will return at some point.

 

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I like spending time here too have fonded a bond with many people here that goes beyond fetishes. I would love it if We all could meet each other in real life just once. At times I also feel like taking a break from this site for a couple of reasons. If I did however take a break I will miss the site and the people here a lot. 

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I think @Alfresco has pretty much summarised everything I’d say - hope it’s only a temporary ‘holiday’. 

I do think that a forum such as this has far more consumers than contributors. You only have to look at the member numbers and how many actually chat to see that. Of that small proportion there are those who are quite guarded in how much they allow themselves to become personally involved. 

Like admin have alluded, there’s a fine line between expressing our own experiences and coming over as discouraging when someone’s desires differ from ours. There’s a lesson there for all of us. 

It’s a narrow path to tread though between making a comment which could be seen as negative, versus appearing uninvolved and uninterested by not commenting at all. 

Hope to see your posts again soon!

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