box_hunter69

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

A 78-year-old woman is in the local magistrate's court near the Hospital for streaking at the Chelsea Flower show yesterday. She was let off with a caution but was awarded 1st prize for best dried bush arrangement.

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says "Yeah, it means you've probably clogged the fucking drain again!"

A man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose. "Why not?" asked the man. "Because it's not safe" replied the doctor. "But I need it really bad" said the man. "Well, why do you need it so badly?" asked the doctor. The man said "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose". The doctor finally relented saying "Okay, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maid's outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not the one for him.

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.

Two nuns are biking down a cobblestone path when one nun says to the other "I've never come this way before". The other nun replies "Must be the cobblestones".

WHY BICYCLES ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN -Bicycles don't get pregnant. -You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month. -Bicycles don't have parents. -Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong. -You can share your Bicycle with your friends. -Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've ridden. -When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time. -Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you have. -Bicycles don't care if you look at other Bicycles. -Bicycles don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines. -You'll never hear "Surprise, you are going t

Alright lets see if we can come up with some more rap names. Ideas anyone??

What's the difference between pussy and a bowling ball? You can only put three fingers into a bowling ball.

THE LAWS OF LIFE LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. LAW OF GRAVITY: Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. LAW OF PROBABILITY: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. LAW OF RANDOM NUMBERS: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. VARIATION LAW: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are i