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How is shame defined?

Is it the rules imposed by society? or do we inherit some deep down programming from the days of the stone age? And how do you tell the difference?

The three of us have resolved quite a few instances during our time together, and now we have grown so close together, we cannot bear to be parted from each other. When one of us sleeps in the spare room, nobody sleeps, we just cannot sleep apart anymore, not one of us. Is this an inherited trait arising from getting over the shame we felt?

Sorry for all the questions, love this thread.

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7 hours ago, spywareonya said:

So, my advice is this:

first of all, realize that you are not transgressing any Law of Nature

second, realize you are projecting onto Others your fear of being actually spoiled within you

third, eliminate anything that could actually spoil you for real (Always remembering that you fear of judgement comes from #2 and not from any real problems of which Others are not knowing about, obviously!)

to eliminate these wrong processes, de-censor them through looking at them with love and forgiveness

they are maybe right and deserve de-censoring forgiveness

or maybe they are wrong and in this case, they come from your misinterpretation of the right way to get your hands onto something good, as for example when we think that Revenge can make us feel better, and it is not their fault, but yours, and you can Always change;*

de-censor your desires without mindlessly unleashing them

and forgive your imperfections yet without endorsing them

do this for a week and you'll feel light like walking on thin air;*

and then get back here and share your thoughts

I don't believe I am transgressing any law of nature. I believe an interest in pee is wholly natural and indeed normal, but disgust with it in a sexual way is something humans have learned. We are programmed from a young age to feel shame with pee, that it is dirty. If we pee anywhere other than the toilet we are told it is naughty and dirty. For those like me who enjoy the notion of ladies peeing everywhere, this naughtiness enhances the thrill - transgressing human taboos - but can invoke inner shame too for the same reason. But these taboos are human constructs which I think defy the laws of nature. Because going beyond such constructs, I think peeing everywhere and enjoying it is natural, something that is right in nature. I don't think anyone peeing on a carpet is transgressing any law of nature, only an artificial taboo created by humans who disapprove.

As someone who understands psychology, I totally get what "projection" is. Projecting onto others negative desires or impulses or feelings or thoughts that you more deeply harbour yourself, so that you can safely feel negativity about them without feeling too negative about yourself. But the negativity, being it shame or disgust or whatever, directed at others is really directed at yourself. It is why gay men who are in the closet even to themselves can often be the worst homophobes. They reject that aspect of themselves and project it onto others so it becomes something external to hate. Their hatred of gays is really a hatred of their own gayness but they are projecting it onto others in order to direct this negative emotion away from oneself. It is probably the same with shame. Psychologists agree with you that actually recognising and accepting the formerly unacceptable thing within yourself and embracing it is the best way of defusing this. Because it is a psychological defence mechanism designed to protect the ego and the self, but it actually does more harm than letting go and embracing what is deep within us.  So you think there is an element of me projecting doubts about the normally and acceptability of pee onto others and thereby feeling shame at the thought of what others think?

Actually, I think I have moved beyond that too. I do not think of pee as unacceptable but feel that others are being small-minded and prudish and unnatural if they see a problem with it. But I recognise that though theirs is the unnatural reaction, I still want to be liked and to fit in with my fellow people who in most respects are good people and fun to have around. I know that many would judge me badly, think less of me, or laugh at me, or be disgusted, if they knew of my fetish. I know they would be wrong to think like that and I am right in nature to be loud and proud of who and what I am, yet even though I know they'd be wrong to think less of me, I know it would happen and I feel  too great a need to be liked and respected by those around me to want to risk that. So I hide my fetish from most people like a dirty secret. Then again - if I would feel shame at their knowing, this only makes sense if I am projecting onto them shame that I subconsciously harbour for myself. I have just realised that at this moment - am learning - so apologies if that realisation contradicts any earlier statement. If I stop feeling shame towards myself at a subconscious level I would not feel shame at the notion of others knowing my true nature. Instead I might feel sad and disappointed when they think less of me but recognise that that is a problem for them and not for me. It is too difficult for me to go down that road though. I feel a great need to be liked and respected by people in everyday life. I am so totally not someone who doesn't give a fuck what people think about me, even though I may occasionally pretend to be. So my fetish must still be a secret. But I ought to be able not to feel inner shame deep down at my fetish interests. I do not consciously feel shame but I must harbour it deep inside. But rejecting something I have already consciously rejected but which is subconscious is not easy. I cannot consciously stride into my subconscious mind and tell it what to think and how to react. I don't know how.

And eliminate anything that could spoil me for real? Do you mean inner desires or impulses? Or false perceptions of reality? Or aspects of myself that might transgress the laws of nature? And if so, what might these aspects and desires be?  Could you give an example of what you mean by something that could spoil someone for real so that I better understand your meaning?

And by "de-censoring", do you mean opening my mind fully to who and what I really am and really think, and looking at that with love and forgiveness? I think I pretty much do that already with my pee interest. Any darker things that might lurk in my subconscious I fear unleashing. You see, I believe we all have buried within us an inner sadist, an inner masochist, and inner dominant, and an inner submissive. We all have the capacity within us for revelling in great cruelty, but that is locked so deeply into our subconscious in most cases because of our consciences, our morality, our compassion for others, and our sense of what is right and what is wrong. It is notable how evil regimes which gave license to cruelty and actively encouraged it as morally good - eg Nazi Germany - were highly successful in turning mundane and ordinary people - both male and female - into vicious and cruel sadists. Because the psychological barriers against such things were brought down. Their victims were systematically dehumanised and portrayed as political and race enemies dangerous to their nation and families, encouraging hate and eliminating the need for compassion. Then cruelty of every kind earned brownie points and approval from colleagues and superiors. The more cruel and sadistic, the greater their social standing amongst their peers. And all negative legal or disciplinary consequences had been systematically removed, with extreme harshness actively encouraged.  It is widely recognised that many people who would otherwise have led ordinary and fairly blameless lives were able to become cruel sadists under these circumstances. The Third Reich was indeed notable for how basically "ordinary" most of it's killers and sadists were, almost all of them previously unremarkable and normal people. So I understand that the potential for such evil resides within all of us as a subconscious impulse. But it is a Pandora's box most of us with good morals and compassion would be utterly fearful of opening. So unlocking the door to hidden recesses of our subconscious minds in order to embrace and forgive looks very scary and very risky. I feel that we all harbour shit buried deep down that we might even be better off not knowing is there. And it goes way beyond pee fetishism.

De-censoring everything, however dark, without of course unleashing it, is thus somewhere I really cannot bring myself to go. There are some things I just do not want to de-censor Do you understand my fear of this? I need to be a good person. All that is spiritual that I believe in - my very soul itself - and my value as a person, depends upon that. I no not want to open pandoras box to allow anything dark into the open. I think much is buried in our subconscious minds because it is a real part of us but potentially highly destructive, not least to ourselves. Embracing whatever lurks there without unleashing it, and being forgiving of oneself about it's existence is a potentially very risky thing for novices to do, and certainly highly likely to be traumatic. To be blunt, I am too afraid to open Pandora's box and am entirely uncertain of how to do so safely anyway.

Like all my imperfections large and small, I do try and embrace and forgive myself for them. But the biggest ones probably lie buried and not consciously faced at all. Digging them out is fraught with risk. Forgiving myself for any impulse I might regard as deeply dark and immoral, is not something that I could easily do. Am more likely to utterly reject it, bury it even deeper, and feel totally shit if I even acknowledge it to be a part of me. Or so I reason.

Best stop there, because it is not entirely comfortable to peel back the layers like this - especially on a public stage. So I think I have said enough for now. But in short, I fear what might lurk in my subconscious - indeed in everyone's subconscious. 

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Having slept upon it and reflected some more, I think I have been conflating shame with embarrassment. I need to recognise, then explain, the difference, and that will involve me revealing an emotionally traumatic and embarrassing situation from my past for me to be fully understood.

I have already revealed more than once elsewhere on this forum that when very young - too young in those pre-internet days to consciously know anything of sex or sexual interest - I heard my mother chastising my even younger sister for having peed on her bedroom carpet. The idea of her doing this "interested" me in ways I was too young to understand. So I encouraged her to do it again in my presence, and when she was reluctant to for fear of getting into trouble, I invited her to do it in my bedroom.

When I got older and learned about sex and realised that this interest was sexual and that most people regarded it as laughable or disgusting and dirty, and definitely perverted, I felt ashamed. This was intensified by the fact that I'd encouraged and taken pleasure in the sight of my own sister doing it. I'd been too young to understand why this was any kind of taboo, but it now exacerbated my shame. At this point I started to fantasise about girls in class doing these things.

I have revealed this much before. But there is something more. Because my sister still had no concept of sex or eroticism - being younger than me - she continued to have no concept of sexual taboos. So she spoke freely of the carpet peeing to some of her friends. Since she attended the same school as me, some of this info percolated up through the school years and reached the attention of my classmates and peers. I was already a bit of a reserved loner at the time due to unresolved issues with my domineering father. But now I became the subject of constant behind the scenes gossip and laughter - with even teachers participating - because of the now common knowledge that I was a supposed pervert who enjoyed watching my sister pee on the carpet. The fact that this had occurred when I was too young to understand sex or sexual taboo cut no ice with them. And the fact that I was forced to attend a highly social situation - school - where a maelstrom of such gossip and mockery at my expense was swirling all around me, was a deeply uncomfortable situation which heightened my sense of shame. But in fact, shame was not the most powerful emotion I felt at the time. Far more powerful even than that was embarrassment. It also greatly intensified my self-consciousness to a damaging degree.

I Know I have genuinely learned not to feel consciously ashamed anymore. Any shame that may remain I have internalised. But what I have internalised big time is that intense sense of embarrassment. Maybe that is what lurks deep inside? And for me, any embarrassment is caused not so much by how I feel, but by how I will be perceived by others, and the awareness of what they might actually think of me. Even to this day, my social anxieties focus upon fears of being mocked or gossiped about behind my back. That period in school had a very negative impact upon my psyche. 

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6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

So you think there is an element of me projecting doubts about the normally and acceptability of pee onto others and thereby feeling shame at the thought of what others think?

No no! I'm saying something more subtle: that the simple FEAR of being spoiled somewhere, make you fear that people could focus on you their Attacks, using pee only as accidental reason

 

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

I still want to be liked and to fit in with my fellow people who in most respects are good people

The burden of the Pathwalker is to be merciful onto everybody knowing they will not be as wise and un-judgemental as we are. Do unto Others better than they do on you. It is a test, to separate the leaders from the blind-to-be-saved; are you (not YOU STEVE eh, I mean the reader of this sentence in theoretical way:')) good hearted enough to forgive them though knowing they would hate you? And are you strong enough to recognize your own superiority without sentimentalistic hypocrisy about spiritual democracy YET WITHOUT BECOMING ARROGANT OR DISPISING? ("Some" did become arrogant and/or dispising, and They fell...)

 

Like a father, like a leader. Both better than, and a servant of, those around him

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

And eliminate anything that could spoil me for real? Do you mean inner desires or impulses? Or false perceptions of reality? Or aspects of myself that might transgress the laws of nature?

Something of this sort, yes

 

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

Could you give an example of what you mean by something that could spoil someone for real so that I better understand your meaning?

Oh I couldn't say that! Inner dualisms, lack of comincations between the various facets of you, is the common reason, and everybody got their own!

We can keep talking about them here!

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

And by "de-censoring", do you mean opening my mind fully to who and what I really am and really think, and looking at that with love and forgiveness?

Exactly

 

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

Any darker things that might lurk in my subconscious I fear unleashing

Perfectly understand and endorse, it requires time, and caution

 

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

we all have buried within us an inner sadist, an inner masochist, and inner dominant, and an inner submissive.

Real reason behind we Witches being slutty: we explore those sides of ourselves and strive to bring them under control of our Ethic, without necessarily ripping their teeth, but putting them on a leash

 

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

But it is a Pandora's box most of us with good morals and compassion would be utterly fearful of opening. So unlocking the door to hidden recesses of our subconscious minds in order to embrace and forgive looks very scary and very risky.

As above, utterly endorse. I do not enocurage mindless depravity, but de-censoring and control-through-a-strong-training-in-Ethic. We Witches commit ourselves to terrifying test, rituals and experiences to strenghten our bond to our attitude of morality.

The aim is to become so ethically strong to remain self-conscious and able-to-impose-somekind-of-control even upon the most visceral and dark of all our instincts

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

I need to be a good person

It is the duty of all beings, both made of flesh and made on energy, never believe the Cosmical Good could be superficial or oblivious to it!

 

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

Embracing whatever lurks there without unleashing it, and being forgiving of oneself about it's existence is a potentially very risky thing for novices to do, and certainly highly likely to be traumatic

It is so true that we Witches do that only because we ended up discovering that keeping it forever repressed can sometimes be even worse. Everybody are to decide about themselves, each single time, what to do.

 

6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

Am more likely to utterly reject it, bury it even deeper, and feel totally shit if I even acknowledge it to be a part of me

THIS IS THE PROOF THAT YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY TRAINED ENOUGH IN LOVING AND FORGIVING YOURSELF!!!;*

BUT I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND FORGIVE YOU! AND SO THE GODS! YOU FUCKING HEAR ME? I LOVE YOU! AND I FORGIVE YOU!!!

1 hour ago, steve25805 said:

Because my sister still had no concept of sex or eroticism - being younger than me - she continued to have no concept of sexual taboos. So she spoke freely of the carpet peeing to some of her friends. Since she attended the same school as me, some of this info percolated up through the school years and reached the attention of my classmates and peers. I was already a bit of a reserved loner at the time due to unresolved issues with my domineering father. But now I became the subject of constant behind the scenes gossip and laughter - with even teachers participating - because of the now common knowledge that I was a supposed pervert who enjoyed watching my sister pee on the carpet. The fact that this had occurred when I was too young to understand sex or sexual taboo cut no ice with them. And the fact that I was forced to attend a highly social situation - school - where a maelstrom of such gossip and mockery at my expense was swirling all around me, was a deeply uncomfortable situation which heightened my sense of shame. But in fact, shame was not the most powerful emotion I felt at the time. Far more powerful even than that was embarrassment. It also greatly intensified my self-consciousness to a damaging degree.

Decensor those memories slowly and little by little, like in time travel, projecting (this time intentionally) to that helpless child you were, all the love and the compassion he didn't get. Be to that boy the father he should have had, the father he deserved. Become your own father. Become your own saviour. Demolish concepts of Time&Space which are pathethically not-quantistic and send your deepest love and endorsing to that boy, and the you of the past will actually receive it. It is not New Age shit, an actual explaination about its Scientifical root could clog the forum server (and in having me kidnapped by Freemasons in retaliation), so just believe me

 

Love him as I love you

And slowly, little by little, light up his soul

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13 hours ago, Scot_Lover said:

 

Is it the rules imposed by society? or do we inherit some deep down programming from the days of the stone age? And how do you tell the difference?

The three of us have resolved quite a few instances during our time together, and now we have grown so close together, we cannot bear to be parted from each other. When one of us sleeps in the spare room, nobody sleeps, we just cannot sleep apart anymore, not one of us. Is this an inherited trait arising from getting over the shame we felt?

Sorry for all the questions, love this thread.

Born in the Stone Age as Steve did, used today to control us and avoid immature exaggerations (imagine a world where 8 billions of people pee in the streets)

Your experiences surely make your love tighter and now you feel something wrong in "breaking lines", that's no problem with that!;*

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On 3/21/2018 at 3:40 AM, spywareonya said:

To fully experience sexual pleasure is what we all are about when resarching our fetishes, isn't it? But WHY us Witches are ALL, regardless of how we were before undertaking this Path, such WHORES?

How does it came that we are all so sex-craving, so happy unwithstanding the awful things we know, so dirty in our sexuality, so visceral, so cruel, so Majestic?

It is because we eneded up destroying every shame we have in our uconscious through the Learning of enormous truths which eventually set us free. I'm not gonna deluge you with a rainblast of infos useful only to nerd-level actual practicing Witches, my intentions were to start from the beginning, privindig answers about why we are here, what is the Great Plan and the meaning of life, and believe me, after discovering the answers to this questions, sex comes much much easier!

 

Another thing I wanted to do was to provide thoroughly-examined answers to secrets doubts in people's heart. For example, I was embarassed by my desire to piss on things belonging to Others, in my past. I was doing it nonetheless, but I was subsequently puzzled, in a bad way. With time, I discovered that my exceeding empathy toward other was a twisted projecting onto Others of my own desire to be protected from unexpected damages. I used to hate unexpected damages so much that my unconscious activated its moral-bashing mode even about a piss on somebody's doormat (and believe me I've done WORSE). After understanding which is the answer Balance gives about little damages like that, I became more wise, so more caring when needed be, and more free (and arousingly heartless) when it fits.

 

This kind of stuff...

Just play rock music, it's filled with sexual energy and spells

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I should tell you what happened, but I don't want to get into a moral bum fight, Mary is not happy about what happened, she can't explain why or what bought it on. This happened a while ago, maybe 9 years now, and we all got over it fairly quickly, but it was intense at the time.

Mary had gone through a stage where she played on my marriage to Maigh, snide little remarks, even to the point of sounding bitter, and she still can't explain why. She doesn't think it was an intentional, but it did make us rethink our relationship. I can't go into it completely in a clean thread, but she made comments like: "I want to bonk your wife", "I want your wife's p**** all over my face", or if I was doing something to her, it would be something like "I love being bonked by someone else's husband", that kind of thing. Understand that this was just me and her, nothing was said to Maigh, when they were together it was all cudly and lovey dovey. It all came to an ugly end when I'd had enough, and we all sat down to talk about it. 

We got through it, and we like to think it made us stronger, definitely been some intense shared fun between us all. 

Was it wrong to be ashamed of Mary, was it wrong to be ashamed of our relationship? Or was it just the inground concepts of what was expected of us?

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11 hours ago, Scot_Lover said:

I should tell you what happened, but I don't want to get into a moral bum fight, Mary is not happy about what happened, she can't explain why or what bought it on. This happened a while ago, maybe 9 years now, and we all got over it fairly quickly, but it was intense at the time.

Mary had gone through a stage where she played on my marriage to Maigh, snide little remarks, even to the point of sounding bitter, and she still can't explain why. She doesn't think it was an intentional, but it did make us rethink our relationship. I can't go into it completely in a clean thread, but she made comments like: "I want to bonk your wife", "I want your wife's p**** all over my face", or if I was doing something to her, it would be something like "I love being bonked by someone else's husband", that kind of thing. Understand that this was just me and her, nothing was said to Maigh, when they were together it was all cudly and lovey dovey. It all came to an ugly end when I'd had enough, and we all sat down to talk about it. 

We got through it, and we like to think it made us stronger, definitely been some intense shared fun between us all. 

Was it wrong to be ashamed of Mary, was it wrong to be ashamed of our relationship? Or was it just the inground concepts of what was expected of us?

I think your experience is worthy contribution to this thread and a great help for other because it allow us to talk about a very important subject

 

When you live your life really exploring your unconscious, something can pop up, something that sometimes can be a bit "disorganized", and even without the slightest intention to hurt, can be upsetting because it itself is deep, dense, barely controlled, and without emotional and psychological contestualization with its sorrounding. It can happen, and in that case things should go exactly the way you did: without judgement, or resentment, talk about it, yet (just as you managed to understand) without any hypocrisy about the need to settle in in short terms

 

the dark must not be feared, it must be enlightened;*

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  • 2 weeks later...

You guys have to understand that writing anything about these subject unless as a "people's request" is spiritually labeled as "pushy" and therefore to be considered a misdeed of mine

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I am most interested in what you have to say. As you are the expert on this matter, wherever you want to take the lesson next is fine with me. I do have some questions, but they are not specifically formed to my satisfaction.

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5 hours ago, nopjans said:

I am most interested in what you have to say. As you are the expert on this matter, wherever you want to take the lesson next is fine with me. I do have some questions, but they are not specifically formed to my satisfaction.

Let's first go with your question. I am preparing something nice for this thread, meanwhile doubts should go away, so ask;*

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Does geography play into the magick you perform? For example, if you were in the Southern hemisphere, where the seasons are different, and you're in a different pole of Earth's the magnetic field, is that something you need to consider?

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  • 1 month later...
On ‎4‎/‎6‎/‎2018 at 2:54 PM, spywareonya said:

Smart kind of question, really smart

Ok, the answer is quite funny, and it is "No". I mean, you cannot perform a Spring Ritual if you are in an hemisphere where 21st of march is the start of Autumn! On the other hand, geomagnetic field of Earth relates both to pitches of power, and to direction. Let's explain it a bit better.

If you perform a ritual close to an ingress point (magnetic lines toward Earth's core) is very probable that your ritual will be dispersed in the Earth powerful heat so it is better to use those places for cleansing ritual. Yet, would you be so powerful to summon an entity that live in such a deep layer of existence (on Earth only the Gods do) it will on the other hand be MORE powerful and NOT dispersed, since your prayer will be delivered to Them in a terrifcly direct way, but no man can be that powerful.

On the other hand an egress point (magnetic lines toward the surface) it will be like putting a little paper boat in a river, it will be sent everywhere with enormous results. Summonings too are enormously effective in the nearby. That was the reasons why both Celts and Vikings believe that the land of the Gods was the North Pole, a land called Thule: because the North Pole (which is the South pole from a geomagnetic point of view) is the biggest egress point of Earth. Since nobody could go there to perform a ritual, the best places are near geomagnetic pitches and most than anything near volcanic mountains. Even exausted Volcanoes who had not been active from millions of years fit, but obviously if you got an active volcanoe you will make magick like a boss. Guess why the most powerful magickal line comes from the Virunga region of Congo? Eight active Volcanoes in circle:17_heart_eyes:

 

"Ley lines are apparent alignments of land forms, places of ancient religious significance or culture, often including man-made structures. They are straight 'paths' or routes in the landscape which are believed to have spiritual significance."

That is an online quote that describes ley lines better than I could, at least more succinctly. I'd have probably used two paragraphs instead of two sentences, lol. I can be excessively verbose at times, haha.

Anyway, when you talk of points of ingress and points of egress, are you also talking about ley lines? And are these both magnetic as well as inherently spiritual as I suspect? Are magnetism and spirituality inherently linked, actually?

I remember when a lot younger subscribing to a magazine called "The Unexplained". I remember ley lines being discussed in there, and it was said that such ancient structures as Stonehenge were often built where ley lines crossed, which were natural points of strong spiritual energy.

Have you any more insights or information to share on this?

 

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6 hours ago, steve25805 said:

 

"Ley lines are apparent alignments of land forms, places of ancient religious significance or culture, often including man-made structures. They are straight 'paths' or routes in the landscape which are believed to have spiritual significance."

That is an online quote that describes ley lines better than I could, at least more succinctly. I'd have probably used two paragraphs instead of two sentences, lol. I can be excessively verbose at times, haha.

Anyway, when you talk of points of ingress and points of egress, are you also talking about ley lines? And are these both magnetic as well as inherently spiritual as I suspect? Are magnetism and spirituality inherently linked, actually?

I remember when a lot younger subscribing to a magazine called "The Unexplained". I remember ley lines being discussed in there, and it was said that such ancient structures as Stonehenge were often built where ley lines crossed, which were natural points of strong spiritual energy.

Have you any more insights or information to share on this?

 

it may take a little time to write it, cannot now, stay tuned

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On ‎5‎/‎26‎/‎2018 at 7:54 AM, steve25805 said:

 

"Ley lines are apparent alignments of land forms, places of ancient religious significance or culture, often including man-made structures. They are straight 'paths' or routes in the landscape which are believed to have spiritual significance."

That is an online quote that describes ley lines better than I could, at least more succinctly. I'd have probably used two paragraphs instead of two sentences, lol. I can be excessively verbose at times, haha.

Anyway, when you talk of points of ingress and points of egress, are you also talking about ley lines? And are these both magnetic as well as inherently spiritual as I suspect? Are magnetism and spirituality inherently linked, actually?

I remember when a lot younger subscribing to a magazine called "The Unexplained". I remember ley lines being discussed in there, and it was said that such ancient structures as Stonehenge were often built where ley lines crossed, which were natural points of strong spiritual energy.

Have you any more insights or information to share on this?

 

PC fixed

answer coming shorly!!!

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