Jump to content

Twins Part 2


Recommended Posts

I really like this story.  But at the same time it's also a bit hard to read, not because of your English, but because of the punctuation.  More paragraphs and some indentation after quotes would make this a lot better reading experience, please consider: https://litreactor.com/columns/talk-it-out-how-to-punctuate-dialogue-in-your-prose

The most important thing I would say is that each dialogue should start a new paragraph.

I really don't wan't to come across as a dick, in fact, I really like this story, and want to continue reading it, but it could use a few small changes.

Link to post

Wow. I kind of like where this is going.

But as a fan of girls pissing on carpets - since they are going to be getting rid of them anyway - how about having them piss on the carpets first? Or at least one of them?

  • Like 1
Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...